Chaos in the Halls of Hogwarts
by Fanghur
Summary: My insane friends and I attend Hogwarts. What can happen with a werewolf, a vampire and a prank loving Necromancer? Plenty. ON HAITUS DUE TO LACK OF INSPIRATION
1. Prolouge

**Chaos in the Halls of Hogwarts**

My insane friends and I attend Hogwarts. What can happen with a werewolf, a vampire and a prank loving Necromancer? Plenty.

Prologue 

Look, this is my first story, so critism is requested. Any flames will be used for making s'mores.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor shall I ever. If I did, a lot of dead people would still be alive.

I look to my friends as we head to Kings Cross for our first day at a magic school. This isn't new to us, the whole magic shtick, but all of us attending a school devoted to it, well, I just hoped this Dumbledore guy knew what he was getting into.

"I needa some coffee, please, Chris, can I, huh, huh?" my caffeinated friend, Apollo, asked. I guess I should introduce myself; my name is Christina, though friends call me Chris. I'm a necromancer, which is a word that means 'brings dead things to life, summons dead stuff, affect ghosts, etc', which really creeps my werewolf friend Apollo out. He's afraid of dead things. I wonder why he's friends with me at times.

"How did McGonagall say we had to get onto the platform?" Roxy, the only full human, sort of, asked Azure, my vampire friend.

"We walk into the barrier between platforms 9 and 10" Azure responded, walking a bit ahead of everyone in her eagerness to learn magic herself. I looked down at my train ticket, which said Platform 9 and ¾, thinking back to when the four of us got our letters.

_Flashback_

"So, what now?" Apollo asked Azure, as we hung out in a small apartment in England.

"Remind me, why did we go all the way from Canada to England if we had no idea what we were going to do?" I asked from my position of being upside down on the chair, my legs over the back, as I read the newest Maximum Ride novel.

"Because the food is freaking awesome! Fish and chips all the time,"-

"Because Winnipeg is 'boring as hell', you almost got us arrested in Alberta with that zombie panic you caused last Halloween, and you and Apollo agreed that we should go to England because it is 'freaking awesome'" Roxy, a friend that can shape shift, cut Apollo off from her place on the couch, drawing outfits, quoting things I said when we agreed we should travel the world a bit.

"Plus, Europe gets new releases on movies and games out sooner, so we decided to go to the place where they speak English" Azure said as she flipped through a Batman comic on the floor.

"Okay, why don't we go see Big Ben?" I ask, not wanting to be reminded of why I pretty much needed to leave Canada. Sometimes, being a bored necromancer isn't the best thing to be.

Tap tap tap

"What was that?" Roxy asked, as we all turned to the window and saw-

"Owls! Run away!" Apollo ran behind the chair I was in, whimpering.

"Actually, there's four owls, and they all have letters," Azure had walked over to the window to let the owl in, saw the other three, and ignored Apollo's whimpers.

She opened the window, and the owls flew in, one landing on my shoulder after I righted myself, and I gasped as I saw what was on the envelope.

_Ms. Christina Wells_

_Room 107_

_1795 Grating Ave._

_London_

I almost went into shock, seeing as I almost never told anyone of my last name. I saw that the others had already opened their letters and were excited, so I also opened mine.

_Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_

_Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore_

_(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards) _

_Dear Ms Wells,_

_ We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Due to the fact that you and your friends will be placed in the fifth year, I shall come and tutor you so that you may be caught up to your fellow classmates. I shall be at your apartment at 11:30 am this morning. Your lists of books and equipment are enclosed._

_Yours sincerely,_

Minerva McGonagall

Deputy Headmistress

I just sat there in shock after reading that my friends got accepted to a magic school. I always thought it was weird, how Apollo would get upset and something would blow up, or how Azure was a vampire, but could eat and preferred human food to blood, or how Roxy could turn into a cloud leopard at will since birth, or my necromancy 'gift', but since I met my friends a year ago, I couldn't give it much thought with all the insane stuff we did (see Alberta zombie panic above), but now that I think about it, how could I miss it? Sure, I'm a necromancer, but my friends should have been obvious that they were witches and wizard.

I'll tell you now, necromancy is not the same as normal magic. I got lessons from my teacher in Winnipeg, but he kicked me out at age thirteen, as was normal among necromancer apprentices. I wandered for a year before I met my friends, and we started traveling together. Apparently, werewolves keep some phobias during the full moon, which is why I am not doggie chow for Apollo yet, seeing as he's afraid of dead things, and even more so of undead things.

As all of these things ran through my head, I distantly heard Azure almost panicking. Distantly, until Apollo jumped on me.

"Chris! She's coming in five minutes! FIVE MINUTES!" Apollo screamed in my ear, and I slowly turned my head to see the clock on the wall. Go figure, it was 11:25.

"Guys," I started, as they all stopped jumping or running around in glee at the prospect of learning magic themselves, "do you really think that this is legit? The real deal?"

"Stop being such a party pooper, Chris! Of course it is, why else would owls deliver the letters if it was all a prank?" Roxy asked.

"Yeah, what, are you jealous that your no longer the only one that can do magic?" Azure asked, as I flinched, since I really wanted it to be true, but I have known a lot of disappointment and emotional pain, I just didn't want this to be something that would bring my friends down if this offer turned out to be false.

"No, no, it's just that I don't trust that this is something that we've all wished for suddenly granted. Either way, we'll find out in a couple of minutes," I calmly stated, my friends then freaking out again before settling, just in time for fire to burst out of the fireplace and turn green, only to have a woman step out as if she did it everyday.

"Waait a minute, since when did we have a fireplace?" I asked.

"Since we rented it two days ago. You really aren't observant, are you?" Azure managed to draw her attention away from the woman's dramatic entrance long enough to comment on my lacking observation skills, as I blushed a bit.

"Hello, I am Professor McGonagall. I will be your deputy headmistress and transfiguration teacher at Hogwarts. Do you have any questions to start off with?" the decidedly strict looking teacher said.

"Yeah, why do you smell like cats? You're not a cat person, are you?" Apollo asked.

"Actually, I want proof that this is all on the level," I stopped her from commenting at my canine-friend's antics. She answered me by promptly turning the coffee table into a pig, and back again.

"Bacon! Awwh." Apollo immediately whined, as I face palmed and McGonagall cocked an eyebrow.

"Will we still be accepted even though we're all… different from most students you probably have?" Roxy asked.

"We are aware of what you all are, and we of the Hogwarts staff hope to help you in your magical ability, and hope you find solutions to any… personal problems that arise due to your unique situations," McGonagall stated, not seeming to be aware of the added excitement her words added.

"So, are you going to take us shopping to get our school supplies?" I asked, looking at the supply list. "Potions kit, a wand, robes, and all this, besides, how are we going to pay for all of it?" I asked, fulfilling my role of being the logical one/ 'party pooper'.

"I shall take you all to Diagon ally, which is where most students buy their supplies, and Hogwarts has a student loan in order to pay for it. You can also exchange muggle money into wizarding currency at Grinngots, the wizard bank."

"Huh, what's 'muggle?" Azure asked.

"A muggle is someone who has no magical talent. A muggle born is a magical child born to muggle parents, and a pureblood is someone with several generations of magical blood behind them," McGonagall calmly stated.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up, why are you telling us this? Is the 'wizarding' world racist as well as sexist?" I asked.

"How did you get that?" Roxy asked, as McGonagall gave me a weird look.

"First, why would she tell us about this blood business if it didn't matter to at least some people, and notice how it's 'wizarding' world, not 'magical'?" I explained to my friends as they gaped at me. I might be the totally oblivious person of the group at times, like, I'll be staring out the window after an hour only to realize that it's been raining all day, but I can pick up stuff when I'm suspicious.

"Uhh, so, when do we go?" Apollo asked, probably wanting to dispel the tense silence that resulted from my questioning of the magical world. Of course, I only say that because McGonagall was giving me a death glare, and her right hand was twitching.

"We shall leave when you gather up all of your possessions and make arrangements to leave these living arrangements," McGonagall's words were met with a flurry of activity as everyone else started to pack and I ran out of the apartment door to tell Mike, the landlord, that we were leaving.

"Okay, ready!" Azure said, as I threw the last of my pitiful belongings into my back pack. Can't own too much if you wandered around as much as my friends and I did.

McGonagall seemed a bit taken back at how little stuff we owned, but she turned towards the fireplace that she had made her grand entrance from.

"Now, we will be traveling by floo powder. Take a pinch, throw it into the fire, and step into it, and say the name of the destination. We will be going to the Leaky Cauldron. I will go first to demonstrate. One last word of warning, be careful of the landing," our soon-t- be teacher told us before promptly following her own instructions.

"Cool!" Apollo jumped up to go next, as Roxy and Azure lined up to go in a dramatic swirl of emerald green flames, as I waited.

"Is something wrong, Chris?" Azure noticed my anxiety.

"It's, just, I get the feeling that there's a catch, that this year isn't going to be all sunshine and rainbows, so to speak, it's just to good to be true," I finally voiced the feelings I had been feeling for the last while.

"You're just imagining things, Chris. Now, we can all learn magic that doesn't centre on dead things, or blood rituals, or anything that you usually do! Besides, maybe we can be ourselves, not normal, but not the 'vampire, werewolf, necromancer and human', just people," and with those words of wisdom, Azure got a pinch of the floo powder, and whisked away in a swirl of green fire.

"Yeah, maybe," I said, as I grabbed a pinch of the glittering powder, and grabbed the bag, and shouted "The leaky Cauldron!" to disappear in a swirl of green flames, leaving no trace that four people had lived in the apartment for days.

_End Flashback_

So, now here we are, after a month and a half of living at the Leaky Cauldron, of McGonagall teaching us magic, and shopping.

"So, is this it?" Roxy asked Apollo, who was sniffing a barrier, and getting weird looks. What can I say, he has a good nose.

"Well, there's a smell that is sorta like a coal-burning steam engine, but it smells a bit different," Apollo said, as Azure and I walked up to them.

"So this must be the place McGonagall told us to run through," Azure said. I just leaned on the wall, when I fell as if the wall had disappeared.

"Arf?" Apollo cocked his head, as I got up, and noticed I was half in, half out.

"Great, now I know how a ghost feels. Well, let's go!" I said, as I turned around, only to bang into a post on the other side. My friends followed, gaping at the scarlet Hogwarts Express as Roxy pushed the cart that had her and my own brand new trunks. Seriously, it's a world of magic. Couldn't I just use something I could carry without getting a dislocated back or something?

"You know, you could mentally scar little kids for the rest of their lives," Azure said, smiling, interrupting my rant of how I would destroy all randomly placed posts.

"Who cares? We're going to Hogwarts!" Apollo started jumping up and down.

"Fine, fine, let's go," I said, still rubbing my head.

"I wonder if the headmaster really knows what he's getting into," Roxy said, watching as the rest of us walked towards the train that would take us to Hogwarts.


	2. Train Ride to that Magically Place

Train Ride to the that Magically-Place

Disclaimer: Me no owny. No ferrets were or will be harmed in the making of this fanfiction. Only an asshole no one cares about.

Thank you to eternal vampire for being my first reviewer. You are awesome!

"So, where should we sit?" Roxy asked.

"Let's just find an empty compartment," I said, as I didn't want people staring at the new kids.

"I am loving these robes!" Azure twirled, the black folds of cloth whipping around her ankles.

"Evil skirts…" I trailed off, hating to wear a skirt underneath my robes, as was the uniform for girls. I was just going to burn them and wear jeans when I get there.

"They're not that bad, oh, look! There's only one person in here!" Roxy cut off my rant of the evilness of skirts and dresses in general before I even started, looking into a compartment with one girl with silvery blond hair, wearing a necklace of what appeared to be corks, reading a magazine upside-down.

"Hi, can we sit here?" Apollo asked the strange girl, not that I can talk about strangeness.

"Of course! Are you new here?" she seemed surprised at our request.

"Actually, yeah, we are. I'm Azure, this is Apollo, this is Roxanne, and Chris. Down, Polly!" Azure yelled at Apollo, who was sniffing the girl.

"My name is Luna Lovegood, but people often call me Loony Lovegood," Luna told us.

"Do you dislike being called that?" Azure, the psychiatrist-to-be, asked.

"I would like it, except most people use it to mock me," Luna looked downtrodden.

"Well, Luna, we won't make fun of you. If anyone makes fun of you, tell me and they'd be running from walking corpses," I tell her. She seemed to brighten up a bit, until she got a weird look on her face.

"Undead corpses? Are you a necromancer or something?"

"Yes, actually I am. If you don't want zombies, I'm sure I can convince that poltergeist, what's his name, Peeves, to do something," I finish with an evil smile on my face, but before Luna could comment, the compartment door slid open.

"Hey, Luna, is there enough room for us?" A flame-red-headed girl asked, and I could see four other people behind her.

"I don't think so…" Luna trailed off.

"Hey, how about that extension charm, to make rooms and stuff bigger?" Roxy asked.

"Yeah, sure!" Azure said, and the four of us got out our wands, waved them, and a few minutes later the other people were taking their seats in our now 10 person compartment, as opposed to six.

"Uh, thanks, but how did you do that? You look new," a girl with wild, bushy brown hair remarked.

"Sheer freaking awesomeness, that's how. And a tutor over the summer," I remark, as the three boys and the first girl, the one with red hair, gaped at our wand work.

"Okay, so, who are you?" a boy with red hair asked.

"Who, are YOU?" I asked him back.

"I asked you first!" the ginger boy almost yelled.

"Ron, calm down, there's no need to get upset. I'm Harry, this is Ron. That's Hermione, that's Ginny, and that's Neville," the black-headed boy said, pointing to each of his friends. As he did so, I noticed a lightning shaped scar above his right eye. I figured this must be the oh-so-famous Harry Potter. Sucks to be him.

"She was copying a muggle movie, Ron," Hermione told her friend.

"Was I?" I asked in a creepy tone.

"Okay, introductions! I'm Roxanne, but I prefer Roxy. That's Azure, Apollo, and Chris," Roxy pointed to each of us in turned as we gave a little wave.

"So, are you new here?" Ginny asked as they settled down into their sets, stowed their trunks, etc.

"Yep," I replied as Harry yelled "You guys brought bats?"

"That's Vladimir," Roxy pointed to one, "and that's Bailey," as she pointed to a slightly smaller one.

"And that is the handsome Skye," I pointed to my Barn owl.

"Uh, this is Hedwig, Pig, Crookshanks, and"- Harry was cut short as Ron practically exploded;

"Harry, are you really telling her the name of our pets?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess I am," Harry looked confused for a moment.

"Look, asshole, if he wants to introduce dust bunnies he should be able to without you yelling at him, got it?" I grabbed the collar of his shirt and dragged him towards me until our noses were almost touching. "If you don't want to be attacked by walking dead things while in bed, I suggest you lay off," I finished as he turned white.

"Are you a necromancer? I've read that necromancers can summon spirits, corpses, and all sorts of things from beyond the grave," Hermione said in one breath as Harry and Ron smirked at each other, until Harry perked up.

"Spirits from beyond the grave? Can you really?" He asked, his eyed lit up. Poor kid, I wish I could do what he was thinking.

"Yes, but only certain spirits. I probably won't be able to summon your parents, and even if I did, there won't be any way back for them. I'm so, so sorry," I whispered the last part as he slumped in his seat, depressed. McGonagall had told us about why Harry was famous, and some stuff about some of the things he's done.

At that moment, the compartment door slid open, revealing a platinum-blond boy and two larger boys.

"So, Potter, increased the number of people in your fan club?" The blond-headed wonder sneered.

"Look, if you don't leave now, I will go and pull your intestines through your nose"-

"Leave, Malfoy," Harry stood up, speaking over me.

-"And use it to beat you like a piñata," I finish, heedless of Harry, as the, what do the Brits call them, gits? Raised an eyebrow, probably either wondering how I could threaten him or what the rest of my threat was.

"Well, looks like their mudbloods. You'll wind up just like your parents, Potter, and until then, I'll be _dogging_ your footsteps," The blond wonder sneered again, when Azure got up and punched him hard enough to break his nose.

"You, you," he stuttered, but unbeknownst to him, I had started a summoning. By the time his thugs were halfway into our compartment, the sounds of running feet could be heard.

"Better run, sunshine, otherwise you'll be one of them," I said, and at his questioning look pointed in the direction of the back of the train, he screamed, and started running in the other direction. His goons looked as well, and started to book it. A few moments later, half rotted zombies followed them, as I sat back down.

"What the bloody hell just happened?" Ron slowly asked, clearly not believing his eyes.

"Bloody is right!" Azure grinned menacingly as she looked down at her blood-covered knuckles.

"Malfoy was just chased down the corridor by zombies," answered Hermione in a voice laced in disbelief.

"Don't remind me!" Apollo exclaimed, whimpering as he winced at Azure's bloody knuckles. Apollo both loved and feared blood. Harry, however, looked at me, and the smirk on my face.

"How did you do that?" His voice brought the others out of their dazes as they stared at me.

"It's just a basic slave summon. It just animates and summons corpses to do your bidding. It's one of the basics," I sheepishly informed them. I've never really had people very interested in how I did it.

"But, how?" Ginny seemed flabbergasted at my ability to summon walking dead people.

"I just say the words, and channel some energy, and it works," I say, not wanting to give too much information.

"Isn't that disrespectful to the dead?" Hermione asked, biting her lip.

"Maybe, depends on your point of view, but a part of the summons is to return to their graves afterwards. Even if I die, they'll return to their final resting places."

"Okay, enough talk about dead people!" Apollo practically screamed.

"Uh, okay, so, tell us about the houses?" Roxy asked, tactfully changing the topic.

"There are four houses at Hogwarts. Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Gryffindors are known for courage and pride, Hufflepuff for loyalty and hard-work, Ravenclaw for intelligence and studious natures, and Slytherins for ambition and cunning," Hermione said, as I gaped at her because she said that all in one breath.

"Also, Gryffindor is the best, Hufflepuffs are wimps, Ravenclaws are brainiacs, and Slytherins are all purist bigots," Ron venomously spat out the last part.

"And you say Slytherins are bigots? Looked in a mirror lately?" I asked him. "Why can't we just form our own opinions about them?"

"Ron, they have a right to their own opinion, besides, there is a Ravenclaw sitting in here," Ginny reproached her brother, or at least I assumed with the red hair they shared, as she gestured towards Luna.

"I hope I don't get into the same house as that blond boy," Azure informed us, "he was an asshole."

"I want to be in Hufflepuff!" Apollo started jumping up and down.

"Well, I doubt you'll be in Gryffindor, no offence. I assume all of you guys are Gryffindor?" I asked the five people that had joined us.

"Yeah, we are, but if you don't mind me asking, how did you become a necromancer? And what about your friends, are they different to?" Harry asked me.

"My friends will tell you if they want you to know, I'm not going to tell their secrets. Necromancers, though, are born, not made. I started training with a master at age 7, and it ended when I was 13. I wandered a year before I meet the others. Then we wandered another year before coming here," I told him. I didn't usually tell people anything about myself, but I had high hopes about this place, and figured that if I was too live with these people, might as well tell them about myself.

Apollo suddenly went totally still, which was very different from his hyper self since we got on the train, and in a quiet and creepy voice, said "I smell dead people." This was followed by me looking around with shifty eyes, and shuffling away from him. Everyone paused for a second, before bursting out laughing.

"So, what are you guys going to do when we get there? Are you getting sorted with the first years?" Neville asked.

"We're to go with the first years to the school, and get sorted after, separately. I just have one question though, who is Hagrid?" Azure asked.

"You'll know him when you see him, but we'll point him out anyway. So, ever heard of Quidditch?" Ron asked.

"Uh, we heard about it briefly, but McGonagall never went into detail," I told them, as they dropped their jaws.

"Professor McGonagall was your tutor this summer?" Hermione exclaimed, surprised that the transfiguration teacher would teach us for over a month.

"Yes…" Apollo looked scared and started whimpering at the look on Hermione's face.

"Who was that blond moron that Chris chased away earlier?" Azure asked, as I smirked at the memory of the look on his face as she smashed it in with her fist.

"That was Draco Malfoy. He's a Slytherin prefect," Hermione stated, and for the first time I noticed the gold and red badge on Ron and Hermione's fronts.

"A prefect is one of the students in charge of making sure other students follow the rules. They can take house points, and the Head Boy and Girl are the seventh years in charge. This is actually Ron and my own first year as prefects," Hermione informed us in one breath. Seriously, this girl should try out for a band or something with the lungs she has.

"So, what is Quidditch?" I asked, remembering what Ron said earlier. This was followed by hours of him and Harry telling us the various facts and rules about the sport, until Hermione told us it was time to get into our robes.

"Do I have to wear a skirt?" I whined, looking between my beloved jeans, compared to a skirt anyway, and pouting at Hermione.

"Why not just wear pants? I mean, who's going to see?" Roxy asked. I immediately brightened, and grabbed my uniform.

About an hour later, we were all sitting in our compartment as the train slowed down. We joined the throng of people, as Harry and his friends looked for Hagrid, but to no avail.

"First Years! First years and new students over here!" called a drab-looking woman.

"Who the hell is she?" I asked Harry, who looked disgruntled.

"No idea, I just hope Hagrid's alright," Hermione told him.

"Well, see yeah later, guys!" I told them, before turning and briskly walking away, only to slam face-first into another pole.

"Wow, Chris, twice in one day? You need to work on that," Apollo said over my ranting, as Hermione and Ron blushed at my language, and Harry and my other friends tried to cover their laughter.

"Okay, I guess we should go now, see you guys later?" Roxy told them before we rushed towards the woman with the lantern.

"Uh, we're new students, so, do we follow you?" Roxy asked her when we got there.

"Yes, you do. I am Professor Grubbly-Plank, and I will be the Care of Magical Creatures teacher. Follow me, everybody!" the last part was shouted at the first years as well as us, and we followed her down a winding path through a forested area.

"How long until- wow, that is freaking awesome!" Apollo suddenly got a look at the place that we were to spend the next ten months, and the rest of us gasped, ohhhed, ahhed, and other sounds of surprise.

It was a freaking castle. A huge, majestic, many floored and towered castle, with turrets and stuff. I was almost overwhelmed as we stepped into one of the boats waiting in the water of a lake. A freaking lake. What next, a giant squid?

"Well, here goes nothing," I mutter as I got into the boat, and we sailed across the glassy water towards the giant castle in the distance.


	3. The Sorting Rag

The Sorting Rag 

Disclaimer: I don't own this, because if I did, Harry wouldn't wind up with Ginny. Any reviewers who flame must make Apollo a sandwich.

AN/ This chapter is dedicated to MandaPanda33, in sympathy of having to take a road test in a rental car. Good luck on it.

"Wow," Roxy breathed, looking around as we stepped into the entrance hall.

"This is awesome," Apollo said, as Azure agreed.

"Holy shit, this is only the entrance hall, can you imagine what the rest of the school is like?" I asked them

"If you will kindly refrain from such coarse language, Miss Wells, that will be appreciated," McGonagall, who was leading us through the castle, told me, as I smiled sheepishly.

"So, what happens to us?" Azure asked the strict transfiguration teacher.

"You four will wait outside to hall until you are called, and then you will come in to be sorted. And no, I shall not tell you how that is to be, you have to wait just like everyone else," McGonagall told us, forestalling our question. After over a month of teaching us, we got to know each other really well.

_Later…_

"I am bored!" Apollo said as we lounged in front of the giant oak doors that lead to the Great Hall.

"Yeah, this is boring," I said, just before I heard something from beyond the thick doors.

"And allow me to introduce our newest students that will be joining our fifth year!"

"Guess that's our cue," Roxy chirped up, excited, and just a bit nervous.

In we went, to have hundreds of people staring at us. There were four tables, and one that was raised at the front. We could see an old man with a long, flowing silver beard standing with his arms outstretched, welcoming us. We saw a teacher with greasy black hair, a long nose, and black eyes glaring at us, and McGonagall standing beside a stool with what appeared to be a dirty rag on it. The old man, Dumbledore, then said "Welcome, you will now be sorted by the sorting hat into which house you truly belong. Professor McGonagall, if you could?"

"Come up when your name is called. Broek, Azure!"

Azure went up to the stool, as I whispered to Apollo "It's a freaking rag. We're being sorted into our houses by a rag!"

Apollo didn't seem to hear me as the rag called "Slytherin!"

The table with students with green on their uniforms politely clapped. Even though we agreed to see for ourselves before judging, I just hope Azure's careful.

"Irwin, Roxanne!"

Roxy walked up to the rag and put it on. Mere seconds passed before it yelled "Ravenclaw!"

"Knight, Apollo!"

"Good luck, buddy," I say to him as he bounces past, some people snickering or laughing at his enthusiasm.

"Hufflepuff!" the rag shouted. Then it was my turn.

"Wells, Christina!"

I slowly walked towards McGonagall, wondering where I would go.

As I put on the rag that I refused to acknowledge as a hat, I heard a voice inside my head. _Hmm, I feel insulted, rag indeed._

_WTF, I went insane just by putting on a rag!_

_Interesting, you have an innate ability to communicate to spirits, but I suppose you already know that, novice necromancer._

_Great, I'm insane, the voice knows that I'm a novice necromancer, and I have a freaking dirty rag on my head, just great._

_You are aware that I am that dirty rag, aren't you?_

_Nice, ruin the first panic attack I've had since I was six, thanks for ruining the novelty. Just for that, I will continue to call you a dirty rag._

_There is no way to reason with you, is there?_

_Nope _I thought, mentally popping the 'p'. I then started to think of the song 'I've got a Lovely Bunch of coconuts'

_Please, stop._

_Nope. Just sort me, and be glad it's not some horror like 'Barbie World'. Gah, now I'm mentally scared just by thinking the name._

_Okay, then, I think I know what house to sort you into._

_Good._

"Gryffindor!" the rag finally called, and I tore it off my head, and practically sprinted to the red and gold table that were cheering their heads off.

"Yes, one of you made it!" Ron was saying, as I gave him a half-hearted glare. I didn't like how he seemed to think my friends were inferior, but I was relieved to be out of the spotlight.

"So, did the sorting hat try to put you in Slytherin or something? What took so long?" Hermione asked, as I noticed Harry, who was opposite me, suddenly look a bit shifty.

"Nah, it was just offended that I kept calling it a rag," I told them, and I heard and saw a pair of red-headed twins choke on their food. Wait, food appeared out of nowhere? I really need to start paying attention to these things.

"You kept calling it a rag? Fred, why didn't we think of that?" one of them asked the other.

"I also started singing 'I've got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts' from Monty Python in my head," I informed them, as Hermione and a few other people started cracking up.

"Let me guess, a muggle thing?" Ron asked Harry, who was sniggering.

"Yeah, Monty Python is a muggle comedian, you could say."

"His movies are epically hilarious. I wish we had electricity so I could show you guys one or more of his movies, or play just any muggle music," I finished wistfully, thinking of my useless iPod.

"Maybe, dear brother of mine, we could make the new girl's dream come true," one of the twins said.

"If you guys can make a laptop work in Hogwarts, I swear I will use any powers at my disposal at your service," I tell them.

"Oi, George, I don't think we introduced ourselves. My name is Fred, and this is George."

"I thought I was Fred."

"No, I'm Fred, you're George."

"Not again," Hermione sighed.

"What?" I asked.

"They always try to annoy people by making sure no one knows which one of them is which," was the sniffy reply.

"I think they're funny," I told her. "So, are they related to Ron?"

"Yeah, they're Ron's older brothers," Harry told me.

"Uh, this may sound stupid, but Ron and Ginny are siblings, right?" I asked, as Harry and Hermione nodded, Ron seeming to be too engaged in eating to notice.

"So, where're you from?" A sandy-haired boy asked me, as I saw Harry, Hermione and Ron lean in to hear.

"Canada. I originally come from Calgary, but I stayed in Winnipeg a long time as well."

"Is it true that Canadians are obsessed over hockey?" a smaller boy asked me.

"I'm not sure about magic, but most people are hockey fans. It's like what Quidditch is to you guys."

"Really? It's that popular?" Hermione seemed interested.

"Well, yes, it is. It is one of the national sports," I informed them.

"What's the other one?" Harry asked, leaning forward.

"It's called lacrosse. It's a sport where you use sticks that have a net on one end. You have to get the ball, about the size of, say, an apple, and get it into the other teams net. You can throw the ball by launching it with your stick, or run down the field with it. Like hockey, however, hitting is for the most part allowed."

"Wow, anyone else notice that Canadians like violence?" joked a black boy down the table.

"Hey, we can't help it if none of you Brits ever really decide to deck it out," I laughed at the expressions on their faces. "I'm joking, I noticed that too."

"Do you like to play any sports?" Harry asked me.

"Not really. I've played in gym class in school, but never seriously," I told them.

"Do you like to do anything besides controlling zombies?" Hermione asked, cocking an eyebrow, as everyone around us shut up to listen.

"Well, I can play an instrument, I like to read fantasy, and I love listening to music. I estimate about…two days before depression from lack of iPod sets in."

"What's an iPod?" Ron asked.

Harry spared me from answering, "It's a music player. You can get songs and play them. By the way, what model?"

"It's a 3rd generation Nano. I put it in my trunk, since I can't use it here," I started pouting, not noticing the look that Harry gave to Hermione, or her nodding.

At that point in time, the dinner disappeared, and I swear I heard Apollo whine over at the next table before desserts appeared.

"Holy shit!" I said, having failed to notice that dinner had arrived the same way. The people who were with us in the compartment just smiled, remembering the post incident at the station, except Hermione, who frowned at my choice of words. I just stuck my tongue pout at her childishly before digging in.

After, Dumbledore stood up, and spread out his arms like it was his only desire to see us all there. "To our new students, welcome, and to our returning students, welcome back! Another year is ahead of us, and I wish that you'll all fill your heads with knowledge. I would like to welcome some new additions to our staff this year. This year, we have Professor Grubbly-Plank as a temporary step-in for Care of Magical Creatures until Professor Hagrid returns from his extended holidays. We also have Professor Umbridge as our Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher this year, and I hope you will welcome them both. Please see your Heads of House about Quiddi"-

"Hem hem," the new defence teacher, Umbridge, had done a false cough, and stood up. She was short, so it took a while for people to realise why Dumbledore had stopped talking.

"She looks like an overgrown toad," I said, just as Harry said "That woman was at my hearing."

"Hearing? What the hell did you do, steal something? Assault and kill someone?" I asked, with just a bit of sarcasm at the end, but before he could respond, Hermione shushed us. After that, there was nothing to do but to stare off into space as the toad woman started a long speech in a creepy high voice that didn't suit her. It was only the scraping of benches that woke me from my daydreams.

"Come on, Chris, as a Prefect, I have to show the first years to the common room, and since you're new…" Hermione trailed off. In the background, I could hear Ron calling the first years midgets.

"Okay, okay," I muttered as she lead me and all the Gryffindor first years out of the Great Hall, and up a marble staircase. I basically sleepwalked until we came to a moving portrait of a fat lady in a pink dress. The only reason why I wasn't surprised by the portraits was that I had my freak-out about them in Diagon Ally.

"Password?" She asked. Hermione answered with "Caput Draconis."

"Whoa, you guys really like the red and gold, don't you?" I asked her as I looked around.

"The dormitories are upstairs, boys on the left, and girls on the right," Hermione told the new students, and lead me up to my now dorm that I would now share with the rest of the fifth years.

"Well, home sweet home, right?" I looked around the room. I have a feeling that I would soon be really sick of the colour red in a few weeks, if not days.

"Goodnight Hermione," I told my newfound friend as we got to bed.

"Goodnight, Chris," came the groggy response.


	4. How Bad can it be? Part 1

How Bad Can it be? Part 1

I still don't own the series. I just love torturing the characters.

"That's her?" I heard a voice whisper the next morning.

"Is there any other new people in this room?" Another voice asked.

"Should we wake her?" the first voice asked. I decided to let them know I was awake.

"If either one of you so much as touch me, I will bludgeon you to death with a staff, and bury your bodies in a ditch in the middle of nowhere," I say, as I laid face-down on my comfy bed. Some days, I am just not a morning person. Plus I like freaking people out.

"Chris, you will not kill your housemates," I heard Hermione say.

"I make no promises," I told her, before I sat up in bed, only to see two unfamiliar faces a few inches away from my own.

"If you two don't back off in the next five seconds, I will turn you both into werewolf-chow," I told them, smirking as they stumbled backwards.

"Chris, what did I just say?" Hermione scolded me.

"Hey, it's called personal space. Not my problem if they don't respect it," I shot back, annoyed at having my space bubble violated before I got out of bed.

"Well, I'm off to wake up Harry and Ron," Hermione, already dressed, started walking towards the door.

"Wait for me! I want to help. Nothing like a bout of adrenalin to start the day," I gave an evil smile as I thought of how I would wake them.

"Fine, hurry up," Hermione impatiently said, and I became a blur as I put on my usual outfit of a t-shirt and jeans, and threw my robes over top.

"Let's go!" I said, as I was ready in less than five minutes.

"Okay, so I guess you want the honour of waking them?" Hermione asked me as we walked down the stairs.

"Yeah, I was thinking of summoning some zombie rats or something and using those," I smirked at her, and to my surprise she smiled back.

"Well, that would wake Ron up," Hermione smiled at my less-than-stoic expression, "and I reckon Harry needs some excitement after his summer."

I gave a really evil smile, before I started chanting in the middle of the common room. People that were already up looked at me like I was crazy, but didn't say anything.

"So, shall we go up and enjoy the show?" I asked my friend.

"Why, yes, I think we shall," she answered, as we linked arms and marched up the boys staircase. We got to the top room, and entered, to see that all the boys except our targets were up and were about to wake them.

"No need, boys, it's covered," I told them. Neville, who guessed what I was up to, backed away, the other two following his lead. At the top of their bed-posts, there was movement. Suddenly, there was a yell.

"BLOODY HELL!" CHRIS, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!" Our favourite red-head bellowed, leaping out of bed, with little skeletons of rats clinging to his night clothes.

"Chris, would you mind calling off your little pets?" Harry drew back the curtains, to let us see that the rat skeletons were nibbling him. His request fell on deaf ears, as the rest of us were laughing too hard, and Ron was fuming as they started nibbling on him as well.

"That was bloody brilliant," Neville managed to choke out, as the rest of us just nodded.

"They like you guys!" I yelled, only to laugh harder, along with everyone else as Harry and Ron glared at us. You have got to admit, it's hard to take a guy seriously if he has a skele-rat gnawing his earlobe.

"Okay, okay, but that was an awesome way to wake someone else up," the sandy-haired boy from last night chuckled.

"When you are all done laughing at us," Ron gestured towards the door, and Hermione and I walked out, laughing, the skele-rats following us.

"Is it always like this around you?" Hermione asked me, giggling as the rats went into another room on the way down.

"Well, most of the time, I suppose, but it can be scary if I lose control. It doesn't happen often, but it has happened," I quickly added at her alarmed expression.

"Well, hopefully that doesn't happen here," She told me, as we went back to our dorm.

"So, you mentioned that you brought an iPod?" She questioned me.

"Yeah, why?" I asked.

"Well, I want to see if the magic around Hogwarts really does screw the electricity in things," she answered. We got our books, and I passed her my iPod.

"So, we get our schedules at the breakfast table?" I asked her as we went down.

"Yes, Chris, now come on," Hermione told me, as we came down to see a strange scene. We saw the twins with the skele-rats clinging to them, yelling at Harry and Ron, as the latter two were laughing.

"They might like Harry and Ron, but they seem to love the twins!" Hermione and I started laughing our asses off when Neville came down and said that.

"Chris, maybe you should call them off," Hermione told me after she calmed down. I snapped my fingers as a response, and the skele-rats burst into dust.

"So, shall we go down?" Ron asked, as we left the common room.

"No, let's go to the freaking moon," I sarcastically said, rolling my eyes. "Yes, let's grab some breakfast!" I started to run down the corridor, Ron and the others chasing me, and I turned a corner only to run into an open door.

"Do you often run into things?" Harry asked me, as he helped me up as I used language that would make a sailor blush.

"Watch where you're going, mudblood," the blond-haired-wonder from the train sneered at me.

"Cocky, aren't you, Malfoy?" Harry taunted him. If my friends were here, I just knew that they would find something sexual to say, but unfortunately I couldn't think of anything.

"You might want to keep your necromancer on a leash, Pot-head, because"-

"What makes you think that it's me that you have to worry about? I would think that you would be more scared of a vampire or a leopard, you know, something that can eat you?" I asked him, even though I knew my friends wouldn't do that, but the moron didn't know that, did he?

"What are you talking about, mudblood?" He defended, but I pretended I didn't hear him.

"Why is mudblood such a bad word, anyway? I mean, it implies dirty blood, not being good enough, yet from what I heard, Hermione is the smartest person in the year, yet is muggle-born. My friends are awesome, and are…mostly muggle-born. So, aside from the Weasleys, who are deemed 'blood traitors', I think that it's the majority of the so-called pure-bloods that are an insult of what it means to be sentient, let alone a human. So it you that should be embarrassed every time you sprout off your whole 'blood purity' load of shit. Labels are for potions, not people. Who's with me?" I ended, my voice now very loud as I got on my soapbox, noticed the crowd from various houses, mostly Gryffindors and Ravenclaws, looked at one another, and then at me with my hand raised from the end of my speech, all raised their own hands. "Take that, asshole," I muttered under my breath, as Malfoy, who was blushing a bit, turned and walked down the hallway.

"That was brilliant," someone told me, as people went their own way now that the speech was over.

"Thanks," I yelled after them, as the trio and I walked to get some breakfast.

"Where did you learn how to talk like that?" Hermione asked me.

"I just picked it up when I was little from my parents," I told them, but I immediately clammed up. Thinking about my family was painful for me, even after all these years. The others, sensing my discomfort, didn't ask any more questions, but we instead started debating various topics.

"I am telling you, some of the muggle fiction books out there are freaking awesome! If they had some here, I bet you would spend a lot of time in the library!" I was telling the boys as we sat down at the Gryffindor table.

"What are you talking about?" Ginny, opposite us, asked us.

"The disgraceful lack of good fictional books in the library. Hermione spends half her time in there, and has yet to come across a single good fiction book, magical or muggle," I huffed, pulling some waffles towards me.

"And the guys say that good books won't convince them to spend more time in the library, though maybe not muggle fantasy, since it would be a bit redundant here," Hermione added, helping herself to cereal.

"Why not just go to Dumbledore? Maybe he can get some," Ginny consoled me. "I can always drag my dear brother there and we can force him to read a book," she added, over Ron's indignant cries.

Suddenly, a shadow came over us, and I looked up. It was our favourite transfiguration teacher.

"Here is your schedule, Miss Wells. Since you didn't show much preference in extra classes, I put you into the same classes as Mr. Weasley and Mr. Potter, who are in Care of Magical Creatures and Divination. Is this acceptable?" McGonagall said to me.

"Yes, ma'am," I told her in a completely innocent voice as she shook her head, gave me a paper and moved down the table.

"So you have the same schedule as us?" Harry asked me and I nodded.

"Mentelgen," a familiar voice said right behind me.

"Polly! Come and sit down, how was your first night as a Hufflepuff?" I questioned Apollo as he sat down, laughing a bit at the inside joke of her greeting.

"Pretty good, their friendly, better that the Slytherins, I bet," he told me, grabbing some toast.

"Yeah, being in the same house as that asshole has to be pretty bad, but at least Azure can defend herself," I said.

"Hello." Speak of the devil…

"Azure, how was your first night here?" I was a bit worried about her, because if the rest of the house was anything like Malfoy, it was hard not to worry.

"Pretty good, they mostly kept out of my way," she said.

"Uh, is it even allowed for people to sit at different tables?" Ron asked Hermione.

"Yes, in fact, the Founders even encouraged it to increase house unity," Hermione answered.

"Founders?" I asked, since we only heard a little about how the school was founded. Harry, however, had just looked at his watch.

"Guys, we have History of Magic in 10 minutes," he told us, and everyone got up.

"Gotta fly, see you soon!" I called out as Harry, Ron, Hermione and I walked out.

"So, what's History like?" I asked.

"Boring as hell, Binns is the only ghost teacher in the school, but it's almost impossible to stay awake," Harry informed me, as an argument broke out between Ron and Hermione.

"Does that happen often?" I asked Harry, as Hermione yelled at Ron.

"Yes, it does. So, what music do you like?" he asked me, and we walked into class debating whether older rock or new hip-hop was better.

Ten minutes later, the rest of the class, sans Hermione, was asleep. Because nothing was happening, I decided to ask Harry some stuff.

"So, if you don't mind me asking, how exactly did you get that scar?" I asked him after prodding him awake.

"I got it when Voldemort killed my parents when I was one," he started. "My parents tried to save me, but he couldn't kill me. I survived, and got this scar, and the title Boy-Who-Lived," he said bitterly.

"Boy-Who Lived? What the hell is wrong with people here? Are the people in charge of titles mentally retarded? I mean, Voldemort is called You-Know-Who. That is retarded to be afraid of a name. I could understand if it was cursed so if you said it, you keeled over and died, but short of that," I shook my head in disbelief of such idiotic things.

"Yeah, and now that he has a body again, even the minister of magic is too scared to believe that he's back," Harry told me tonelessly.

"And now they're dragging your name through the mud. We need to do something about this, but until then, McGonagall mentioned something about you guys having adventures. Mind telling me?"

Harry looked a little taken back, but he started to tell me, and had finished retelling what happened in his third year before the bell rang.

"Whoa, never a dull moment with you guys, huh?" I joked, as Harry smirked, and Hermione and Ron resumed their argument. "Seriously, do they ever stop?" I indicated the duo.

"Not really. Just don't mention House-elves," Harry told me, wincing. I figured I would ask later, since Hermione and Ron had finished their argument.

"Okay, so, now what?" I asked aloud.

"Potions, with Snape," Ron scowled as he mentioned the Potions Master.

"Is he really that bad?" I asked. The trio just nodded, Hermione somewhat slowly.

"Do we have potions with any other house?" I asked.

"Yeah, Slytherin," Harry looked depressed.

AN/ Okay, just thought I'd say a few things. First, yes, eternal vampire, the twins will find a way to give Chris her music, and they will do a lot of pranking together. Heaven help the professors and the people getting pranked. I also want to point out that I have anonymous reviews, which means that you can review even if you don't have an account or if you're too lazy. I do wish that people would use accounts, just so I can thank people by name, provided I still only get a few reviews. Of course, like all people that write stories on here, I would like lots of reviews, so just click that little button on the bottom of the page, or I'll send skele-rats after you.


	5. How Bad can it be? Part 2

How Bad Can it be? Part 2

Disclaimer: Read my lips: I don't own Harry Potter. If I did, Sirius would not be dead.

My fellow Gryffindors and I walked into Potions, expecting the worst. It was only by seeing Azure that I remembered that I would be sharing this class with her.

"Azure!" I cried as I leapt at her and hugged her.

"Chris! We have a class together! We can work together!" Azure responded, hugging me back. My new friends just shook their heads at my antics and took their seats.

"Settle down, settle down, for our new students, I am Professor Snape, and I will not tolerate any fooling around in my classroom," the black-haired teacher I noticed at the Start-of-Term feast said, sweeping into the classroom with his robes fluttering behind him. Azure and I took the hint, and sat down together.

"Today, class, we shall make a Calming Drought. The instructions are on the board," with a sweep of his wand, they appeared, "And the ingredients are in the cupboard. Begin!" he said, taking his place behind his desk. I got up to gather the ingredients while Azure prepared the cauldron. When I got back to the table, Azure was ready to get to work.

At the end of the class, our potion was a few shades of blue from what it should be, Snape passed by our cauldron, not commenting, and he seemed to be pleased with our effort, considering we were new to this. I distantly heard him commenting on someone else's potion, but I was too happy to pay attention to it. Azure and I started to clean up, and the bell rang by the time we finished.

"Yes, we actually made a potion! You know, I think a lot of people around here need a therapy session. Do you want to do one, and I'll help get the word out?" I randomly asked Azure. From what I heard, Harry had some issues, and his friends probably had some too, considering they hung around each other all of the time.

"Maybe after we get used to the school, then we can set that up, but not until then, alright, Chris?" Azure told me, as I nodded, happy that people would get the mental help that they need here. Seriously, two words, people; 'school counsellor', not that hard.

"What class do you have next?" Azure asked.

"Divination, dunno what's that going to be like, though. I think it's telling the future," I said, bouncing a bit on the spot at the prospect of seeing the future.

"Well, have fun!" Azure waved as I tore after Harry and Ron, since they had an idea where the class was, unlike me.

_Later…_

"You have got to be kidding me. All that oversized bug did was tell us to 'clear your minds', and predict when Harry would die! How the hell did she become a teacher? She is a freaking bull-shitting fraud!" I ranted as we left 'Professor' Trelawney's 'class'.

"Yeah, no wonder Hermione dropped out," Ron said, not noticing my evil smile. Harry, however, did.

"Chris, what are you planning?" he asked.

"Blackmail material. I just don't have to say what class, and I'm golden," I told them.

"You will not blackmail her," Ron demanded. He really doesn't know me, does he?

"Ickie Ronnikins, you do realise that I could get from your older brothers, right?" I asked him, leaning on his much higher shoulder, as he paled so much he could put Nearly-Headless-Nick out of work as Gryffindor Ghost.

"You wouldn't," Ron said, not believing me.

"Ron, she summoned skeleton rat things just to wake us up today. Do you really want to underestimate her?" Harry asked his best friend, worried about what else I could do. I felt so proud that I could make the Boy-Who-Lived-To-Be-Hyphenated nervous.

"But, I'm a prefect, I could put you in detention for that," Ron said, looking smug that he pulled the authority card on me. Like that would work. Harry and I looked at each other, then at Ron.

"Is he getting more stupid by the minute? I summon dead things to do my bidding, does he honestly think I would be even somewhat fazed by detention?" I asked him, wondering where his brain cells went. Harry just shook his head at his friend.

"Why don't we just forget that this conversation ever happened, and just get going to Defence?" Harry said, trying to stop us from cursing each other or something.

"Alright, so the Toad-Queen is the teacher this year? At least it'll leave opportunities to prank her, 'know thy enemy' and all that," I said, skipping off as the two boys looked at me weird, and where still staring as I trudged back.

"Which why to defence?" I asked. Harry laughed under his breath a bit as he and Ron showed me the way.

"Good afternoon, class," the Toad-Queen said, in her super-high voice that made me want to claw my ears off.

Needless to say, the response was not as bright as she wished.

"Tut, tut, that won't do, I would wish that you would all respond, now let's try it again; good afternoon, class," the over-sized toad said. This time there was a distinct "Good afternoon, Professor Umbridge," though I said Um-bitch at her name, and nothing else. Luckily, she didn't catch that.

"Good, now, seeing as your education has been… choppy to say the least, we shall start this year with the basics. I"-

"Look, I've read that book you assigned us, and it is so full of shit that it is a miracle that the entire book isn't brown!" I leapt up, having actually suffered through hours of torture to read that book.

"I wish that students would use hands, miss?" Umbridge sniffed.

"Wells, and I say that because it has nothing about actually defending yourself, which last I checked was the entire point of the class! Shouldn't we have a teacher who is actually going to teach us?" I almost yelled. What can I say, some people just rub me the wrong way.

"Yeah, what about Voldemort and evil people that might attack us, huh? HUH?" Apollo yelled. Wait, we had this class with Hufflepuff? Wow, I really am oblivious.

"Some people have said that You-Know-Who has returned. This is a lie. He has not come back from the dead, and he is not in power!" Umbridge started, before Harry jumped up as well.

"So Cedric Diggory just dropped dead, did he?" he asked.

"The death of Cedric Diggory was a sudden and tragic accident and"-

"Wait, so this guy drops dead, and there was no investigation? Isn't there some magical CSI or something?" I asked, hardly believing that any single person, let alone a large amount of people, could believe something with so little proof. Granted, they only had Harry's word that he was back, but at least he isn't only concerned with politics.

"What the bloody hell is CSI?" Ron quietly asked Hermione.

"Muggle thing," she answered.

"Miss Wells, you do not know what happened, and"-

"So? At least I have enough brain cells to question something. You only have enough to say the same shit that the government shouldn't even be sprouting, but they don't want to lose popularity. How idiotic is that? They risk hundreds of deaths by ignoring the problem, instead of just going and getting rid of the problem when it's small! But nooo, 'let's not do the smart thing, let's just ignore the problem and hope it goes away'! Ever heard of 'hope for the best, prepare for the worst'? But of course you wouldn't. You are just a brown-nosing bureaucrat that sucked up to show that she only knows how to do desk-work and to insult us with every single motion and breath you make!" I ended up yelling, frustrated at how a government would do so much to ignore the problem. As I was shouting, and afterwards, Apollo was growling, and the Um-bitch was gaping.

"Voldemort is back, I saw him!" Harry said into the silence, figuring that it was the best time to set the record straight when everyone was in shock. Wow, that was sad, not doing it when he could easily get punished, but it's even sadder the toad didn't even notice him.

"Miss Wells, you have detention with me for a week. My office at 5 o'clock. Everyone is dismissed," Um-bitch said, shaking. I smirked, picked up my bag, and sauntered after my friends, only to have Apollo jump on me out the door.

"That was awesome! I didn't know that you could get that loud!" the hyper werewolf said.

"I just couldn't take that they won't protect the people that they should have and might have sworn to protect," I said, sort of happy that I shouted at that degrading toad, but nervous at what she might do to me.

"Chris, did you have to say that?" Hermione asked, very disapproving of what I did.

"Yes, I did. Just because some people won't question the government doesn't mean that I should follow the sheeple that seem to make up the 'wizarding' world," I said, using air quotes at the sexist term.

"You are just full of surprises, aren't you?" Harry asked, as Apollo and Ron started to talk about guy things. Do not even want to know, really.

"You know it," I smirked as all of us headed outside to wait until dinner.

AN/ YES! FINALLY! That chapter took me forever. Please review! Tell me what you think, or what you want me to change, or anything, really. Special thanks to eternal vampire for being my number 1 reviewer. Everyone, please check out my profile, I have a lot of polls that I want an opinion on. Special thanks also go to my beta reader, Broeken, who checks these fics to make sure that there isn't any blaring mistakes in grammar, spelling, etc.


	6. The Horror! The Horror!

The Horror! The Horror!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. All rights go to Rowling.

"I hate that you have to go to detention with that toad, Chris," Apollo said as we hung out by a willow beside the lake.

"Psh, I bet the worst torture she could put me through is making me sit in a pink room. What can she do to me anyway, put me in an iron maiden? The rack? Fifty lashes?" I joked.

"Chris, I'd just thought I'd tell you that Filch would love to do that to any student, so maybe lay off with the torture devices," Ron said, shivering.

"Big whoop. I could probably handle a bit of extreme torture before I crack," I tried to act self-assured, but inside I felt a bit unsure

"Well, hopefully it won't be too bad," Hermione told me.

"Pu-lease, Umbridge, the giant pink toad, and Chris, the necromancer who hates pink. I'd be placing bets on how long before she cracks from it," Harry said, as he worked on some essay Snape gave us on moonstones.

"Gee, thanks for that, Potter. Nice to know I have such caring friends here," I said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Chris, I want to ask you something. This morning, when you threatened Lavender and Parvati, you mentioned using a staff, and losing control. What staff would that be, and what does happen when you lose control of summoned corpses?" Hermione asked a little shakily.

I paused for a long time, unsure of what to tell them. "Well, I use a staff when I have to do complex things, like summoning souls from the afterlife. You know, even the others don't know much about me, and I think that it's time to tell you guys. Is there someplace we can all meet?" I asked the trio as Apollo stared at me, shocked. I had never offered to tell my history to anyone, but I just felt that I could trust my friends here.

"Well, there is the library, we just need to let them know. Until then, let's work on our assignments, alright?" Hermione said after a pause. We all nodded, and worked on our assignments. Apollo asked me for help on a Transfiguration essay, since I really seemed to get it, and I asked Hermione for help in potions.

A few hours later, it was time for other classes to end. We managed to find Azure and Roxy coming out of the charms corridor and tell them about the meeting, but I remembered I had detention with the Um-bitch, so we postponed it for Saturday. We rushed down to the Great Hall, where they were serving-

"YES! CHICKEN!" Apollo yelled, diving for a drumstick at Hufflepuff table. I shook my head as my friends and I all sat at our own tables. As we passed Ravenclaw, a boy with brown hair waved at me, and I waved back before he turned back to his house mates.

"Who's that?" I asked as we sat down, indicating the Ravenclaw.

"That's Jordan Ross, he's a muggle born, and a bit of a loner. I hear he likes some muggle game called 'Team Fortress 2'," Hermione said.

"Uh, should introduce him to Polly," I murmured, worried about my detention. My worry seemed to show on my face, though.

"Chris, are you alright? You know that Um-bit- I mean Umbridge can't do anything too bad, right?" Harry said, correcting myself before he used my nickname for the oversized toad before Hermione could glare at him.

"Yeah, it's just that I always tried to not get in too much trouble with the authorities before, secrets and everything, so I'm not really used to stuff like detention," I said. "Besides, who knows how just how sick and twisted that woman is."

"It won't be that bad, Chris," Hermione said, "She can't do anything illegal."

"If she did, we could just use Apollo as my lawyer to sue her, but I'm worried that the detention will involve something…" I trailed off as the trio leaned in to hear. "Pink," I finished as Harry and Ron started howling with laughter. Hermione and I glared at the two boys. I started chanting, and from cracks and crevices nearby, little dead spiders, their exoskeletons in some cases, came crawling towards us, and climbing onto the boys. Ron noticed them right away, and tried to shake them off, screaming, as Harry started laughing even more at Ron.

"Is it just me, or does Ron seem to be doing the funky chicken?" I asked Hermione casually as everyone looked and started laughing.

"Yes, yes he seems to be," Ginny butted into the conversation, not that anyone minded, since Hermione was laughing.

"That's what I thought. Potatoes, Ginny?" I asked, ignoring the spectacle in front of them. Harry was still covered with dead spiders as he helped himself to chicken. I realised that Apollo was freaking out at the next table over, so I decided to call off the spiders.

"Awwwww," resounded around the hall as Ron calmed down and sat with us. Harry just continued with eating like he wasn't covered with un-dead spiders. Does anything scare that boy? He must have noticed my staring at him.

"What?" he asked, looking at me surprised.

"Dude, nothing scares you. Skele-rats, dead spiders, even those zombies on the train. Does anything scare you?" I asked him.

"Dementors and boggarts pretending to be dementors," Ron grunted as he ate. Harry glared at him.

"Uh, okay, let me guess; you're not telling me what those are?" I asked hopefully. When he nodded, I just muttered "damn."

"What about the Basilisk?" Hermione asked, as Ginny shivered. I remembered what happened in the Trio's second year, and made a small gesture towards Ginny. Hermione got the hint, and dropped the subject.

"So, is it true that our favourite necromancer already has detention?" George came over with Fred.

"With Umbridge?" Fred continued.

"On your first day, too."

"A girl after our own hearts, wouldn't you say, brother?"

"Yes, indeed, brother."

"So, is there anything you wish from us lowly mortals, thee that hath gotten detention even quicker than we have?"

"Yeah, lay off the old English. I got enough of that in English class. Aside from that, nope, nothing," I said, smiling at their antics. "You guys can lead me to Um0bitch's office later, though. Might as well do it and get it over with."

"What?" Hermione asked, confused at my last comment.

"Well, I could skip, but she'll probably give me another week," I said as Hermione looked horrified as the twins grinned.

"Truly a troublemaker at heart, isn't she, Fred?" George asked.

"That she is, George, that she is," Fred said, eyeing me when I started to eat.

_Later…_

"Thanks, guys," I told the twins outside Um-bitch's door. "Well. Here goes nothing," I pushed open the door and walked in, the door closing behind me. The twins jumped as they heard me shriek, but started laughing when they heard me scream "IT'S PINK!"

_In Gryffindor Common Room…_

"Guy's, I'm worried about Chris," Harry said as Ron trashed him at Wizard's Chess.

"Oh, come on, Harry. Umbidge won't be too harsh"- whatever Hermione was about to say was lost in as they heard screams.

"THE HORROR! THE HORROR! I'M BLIIIND! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Came the distant, echo-y screams.

"Or, she could have her entire office pink," Ron offered in the ringing silence. "Check mate."

"Shit. OW!" Harry rubbed the side of his head from where Hermione had hit him.

"No swearing."

"But, 'Mione… OW!" Ron chuckled at his friends antics.

_Back With Everyone's Favourite Necromancer…_

I was in the fatal position in a corner, rocking back and forth with my eyes closed.

"Go to my happy place, go to my happy place, no pink, no pink," I chanted.

"Hem-hem, don't you think you're overdoing it a tad bit, dear?" the Toad Queen asked me. "We do have a detention, after all," she gave a high, false laugh.

"You mean this isn't bad enough? What now, dressing me in pink?" I asked, refusing to open my eyes.

"No, dear, you will use this quill to write 'I must respect my superiors' however many times it takes for the message to… sink in."

I opened my eyes. The room was a blinding pink, and there were kitten plates on one of the walls. I whimpered. What can I say, I am a pink-a-phobic.

I saw that the toad was indicating a black pointy quill on a small table covered with, brr, pink.

"So, no ink?" I asked, focusing on the quill.

"You won't need any, dear, now, get going," the toad answered, smiling a sick smile. I just shrugged and wrote 'I must respect my superiors' once, when I noticed that the words seemed to be carved into my skin. I realised that it was using my blood for ink, as the words shined crimson in the light. I smirked, this wasn't so bad, and a great idea for a prank. I began writing 'I told you I was hard-core', and looked, but the toad didn't notice. I continued writing.

Hours later, the toad finally told me to stop. I complied, and the look on her face when she saw the back of my hand was price-less. She was too busy gaping to reprimand me, and I slipped out of the room, chuckling.

"What are you laughing about?" A voice drifted around the corner, the owner of the voice soon following it around the corner.

"Hey Fred, George," I nodded to each of them. I waved the back of my hand in front of them.

"Chris, what happened to your hand?" Fred asked, a bit scared at all the blood.

"'I told you I was hard-core'. Brilliant, but did Umbridge make you use a blood quill? A really pointy black quill?" George added at my confused look. I nodded.

"That's illegal! We could have her arrested, torturing students with a Dark artefact!" Fred said.

"Honestly, I don't really care for my sake, but we'll tell so others don't get this punishment. First, though, I want a good night's sleep. To Gryffindor Tower!" I cried, striking a heroic stance before marching off around the corner. The twins only had enough time to look at each other when they heard a thud and swears that could make a sailor blush. They ran around the corner to find me on the floor, holding my nose.

"Stupid posts, is this castle out to get me?" I muttered through a broken nose, glaring at the Random Post of Doom.

"I don't know, but the tower is in the other direction," George pointed out. I blushed and let them lead me back, my hand still dripping blood.

_The Next Day…_

"SHE WHAT!" Apollo screamed, shaking dust off the rafters of the Great Hall, all cutlery shaking, and destroying my eardrums. Azure just sat back, silently absorbing this.

"Chill, okay? So she made me into an emo, big whoop. We can get her arrested, or at least get rid of that blood quill, and I made her gape like a fish last night," I told my friends, holding up the back of my hand, the words 'I told you I was hard-core' clearly visible.

"Okay, as much as I hate that woman for trying to torture you with something illegal, it's brilliant how you used it to prank her," Roxy said.

"Yeah, but why that?" Apollo asked.

"First thing I could think of. Now, I'm going to eat my breakfast," I told my friends, turning towards my cereal.

"Okay, but why was your nose broken last night? You never explained that," Hermione asked me.

"Let's just say it was the return of an annoyance," I said, everyone giving each other weird looks for a few moments.

"Oh, she means slamming into a random pole," Roxy said, and the others laughed as I scowled.

"Reoccurring event," Apollo said.

"Hardy-har-har. So glad that you all care about me. I think that I'll just crawl into a corner and cry," I faked sniffed as the others snickered.

"Well, your hand already screams 'emo', so why not?" Azure asked, some of the others full out laughing.

BOOM!

"What the hell?" I asked as something walked past the doors of the Great Hall. It looked like a cat with a cannon for a head.

"Cannon cat!" Apollo said.

"DUCK!" I yell, dragging down the people closest to me as a cannonball hit the wall behind us. Under Gryffindor table, I glared at Apollo.

"Oops, guess I should have mentioned that I accidently made a cannon cat in transfiguration class yesterday, uh?" Apollo looked guilty at me as I glared at him.

"What the hell?" Ron asked. I just gave him a look that said 'don't ask'.

"So, now what?" Azure asked as another cannonball hit the wall.

"Maybe we should try to get close and transfigure it into something else," I suggested. Apollo seemed to get an idea, and rolled from under the table.

"Polly, if you don't get your ass back here, and if you die, I will punch you in the face when you're a ghost!" I screamed. Apollo got within a few feet away from cannon cat, and waved her wand. Suddenly, it changed into what could only be described as a cat with a pair of underwear on its head, its tongue was sticking out, and it stood up, swaying from side to side.

"Underpants cat!" Azure cried, coming over to join Apollo in hugging the character Apollo had created.

I just looked at Roxy, and she looked back at me. We just burst out laughing, almost rolling on the floor as Apollo and Azure hugged Underpants cat on the other side of the Great Hall. All of the friends we had made in our houses started laughing, and more people, until everyone was laughing at the absurdly weird situation that just happened. I swear I even saw Professor Snape trying and failing to hide his snickers.

"Do I even want to know what that thing is?" Ron asked.

"It's a character Polly made in a muggle game called 'Little-Big Planet' called Underpants cat," I told him after I calmed down.

"Well, that was fun, is it always like this around you guys?" Harry asked us.

"Yep!" Roxy and I answered at the same time. We all calmed down and started heading to our first classes of the day, Apollo still holding onto Underpants cat.

AN: Review responses!

To Chipmunk169646: Thanks! I'm glad you enjoy it. I wrote this fic mainly to relieve random crack ideas and my issues with the Wizarding world, but I still have a lot that will probably be addressed in other fanfics, if anyone ever reviews with poll results (grumble grumble). And if your sister and her husband give you weird looks, they just don't understand people that appreciate humour. At least, that's my take.

To eternal vampire: seriously, you are my number one reviewer, so thank you. I never really like Ron since he's all jealous (cough see Goblet of Fire cough) and honestly, Harry lived in a freaking cupboard. What the f*ck can Ron be jealous about? At least his family is still alive, if anyone should be jealous it's Harry. At least Ron doesn't have a target for a certain Dork Lord's (not a typo) killing curses in the shape of a lightning bolt literally on his forehead. Okay, sorry, but I just wanted to get that off my chest. He does seem to be the comic relief of the trio, though, so in another fic he'll probably be the funny one, not a bunch of OC's. What does OC even stand for, anyway? Sorry, off topic, but still.

Okay, people, look at my freaking profile already and take the poll. I am currently working on a Harry Potter and Guardians of Ga'Hoole crossover when not working on Chaos, but I want ideas for other, mainly because I have to reread all of the Guardians series. Annoying, even though I love to read, because it's 15 books. Fifteen. May take a while, and I may scrap it anyway, but only time will tell. Please, review, pretty please? (cute face)


	7. Peanut Butter Jelly Time!

Peanut-Butter Jelly Time!

Gryffindors had transfiguration with Ravenclaw second period. Professor McGonagall started the class by telling us about how important the exams were this year, the O.W.L.'s, and that we had better study. I didn't care, but others probably did (coughHermionecough).

"Today we will be doing something simple. Turning an apple into a banana," McGonagall was saying. I was sitting beside Roxy for this class, and we partnered up since we were new. We did it, no problem, and we got bored. I got the brilliant idea of showing the pure-bloods something from the internet.

"Good thing we had charms class first period," I whispered to Roxy as I explained my plan.

"Yeah, so, I'll do the animation charm, and you do music?" she asked. I nodded, and we got to work.

A few minutes later, music started playing, and our banana started dancing with conjured maracas.

_It's Peanut-Butter Jelly Time! _

_It's Peanut-Butter Jelly Time!_

And so on, as Roxy started animating other bananas around the room, and I conjured maracas for them all, all of them dancing to the Muggle meme.

_Peanut-Butter Jeelly!_

_Peanut-Butter Jeellly!_

Roxy and I were laughing as people stared at us and what we did, or were laughing because they recognised it. The guy that waved at me the other day, Jordan, seemed to be looking at me with something like admiration in his eyes. How many pranksters are there in this castle? Maybe I could recruit him for more pranks.

"Miss Irwin and Miss Wells, if you could please not disturb the class?" Professor McGonagall had gotten over her shock and was hovering over us.

"We are showing a classic muggle meme, which is a very common thing on the internet, which is a way to electronically connect computers without wires at times," I lectured. I figured I was doing a good job of impromptu teaching in muggle studies, but McGonagall glared at me, so I shrunk down in my seat. Together Roxy and I undid our enchantments, and sighed in relief as McGonagall turned away. We high-fived when her back was turned.

Later we were lounging around the lake after dinner when I remembered that I still had detention. I asked Harry to show me the way, and we stopped in front of the Um-bitch's office. I entered, but there were more people than the Defence 'teacher'.

"Hello, Miss Wells, I hope that your stay here has been good so far?" professor Dumbledore asked me. I nodded as I looked beside him at a man with a green bowler hat and two people in red robes. One was a black man and the other was a woman who winked at me.

"We're here because there was a report of professor Umbridge using a dark artefact for detentions. Is it true that you were forced to use a blood quill yesterday at"- I cut off the black guy.

"Yes, I wrote something else than what she told me to write. In my defense on that, I was supposed to write 'I must respect my superiors', but I believe that respect is earned, not given, so I decided to write this," I said, showing them the back of my right hand. They seemed to stare at it a moment.

"After one evening? Usually it only stays if it's extended use," the black guy said.

"Well, I'm a necromancer, so maybe the magic caused it to stay?" I suggested. Everyone but the headmaster was shocked.

"Necromancer? But that's illegal! I'll have you arrested!" the guy with the hat said.

"Dude, that means that my very life is illegal since that is what I am. It's not something that I do, it's something that's always been a part of me since the day I was born. If you want to arrest me, why not just kill me?" I said, hoping that he'll not take me up on my offer. "Besides, who are you?"

"I am Cornelius Fudge, the minister of magic, and you will be respectful towards me, understood?" he pompously said.

"Look, I just said that respect is supposed to be earned, and you just lost the very small amount of respect that I had for you, _minister,_ and I'll like to take this moment to say that in regards to the whole 'Voldemort is alive' debate between you and Harry, keep in mind the saying 'hope for the best, prepare for the worst', so why not just say it's a possibility, and do some preparations," I said. Wow, I seem to be on a soapbox-speech roll here.

The minister just looked shocked, and then glared at me, at which I returned it with an even glare, when I noticed there was someone else in the room. He was tall with bright red hair, wearing horn-rim glasses. He was writing on a roll of parchment with a quill, but he seemed familiar…

"Hey, you with the red hair, you wouldn't happen to be a Weasley, would you?" I asked in my blunt way. I got a glare, so I figured maybe.

"Uh, I thought that we were here because professor Umbridge was reported using a blood quill on students, not about arresting the student," the woman in red robes said.

"Yeah, so why not just decide what happens to Umbridge, and then decide whether I should be punished for existing or not," I suggested.

"How about we just confiscate the blood quills from professor Umbridge, and just let the student go, provided she doesn't cause any serious problems using necromancy," the black guy said.

"Sounds good to me. Uh, do I have to complete my week of detention with her, or have another detention for writing something else?" I asked, a bit wary of what Umbridge would do to me without her precious blood quills.

"No, due to the inexcusable form of punishment used, you will not have to complete the given detentions or have any added on due to this," Dumbledore told me. "Since everything seems to be in order, you may take your leave now, Miss Wells."

"Thank you, sir," I said, and edged out of the pink office of doom. I breathed a sigh of relief, and noticed a certain pair of red heads waiting for me.

"What the hell are you two doing here? Wait a minute, did you two report the quill to the authorities?" I asked them as one of them looked guilty. I think it was Fred.

"Well, we didn't want you to suffer with that toad," Fred said. I glared at him for a moment before smiling.

"I guess I can't stay mad at you guys. So, do you guys want to prank someone this lovely evening?" I asked, a mischievous glint in my eye. The twins exchanged devilish grins, and we began to plot.

_Later…_

"What did you do?" Hermione asked me back in Gryffindor Tower. The twins and I looked guiltily at her, all three of us covered in paint of various colours.

"We attempted to create art," I told her with a straight face. I watched a drip of neon green paint dropped from a strand of hair in front of my eyes, landing on the floor. Hermione glared at me as Harry and Ron tried to stifle their giggles, the wankers. Wow, I actually used local lingo.

"What sort of art?" Hermione asked.

"Colourful art in which we would have a chaotic swirl of colours which would represent the thoughts in our heads as they try to make themselves known," I responded. Wow, those art classes really paid off.

"Uh-huh, sure, and Fred and George were going to help you in your artistic endeavour?" Hermione asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Who else would understand the confusion of thoughts in a chaotic mind then the best bringers of chaos and confusion themselves?" I said as the pranksters behind me grinned.

"How did you get paint all over you, though?" Ron asked.

"Well, we didn't have paint brushes, and we were too lazy to conjure them," I said, "not to mention that we wanted to be partly unrecognizable if a teacher or someone came by."

"What am I going to do with you?" Hermione asked.

"Love me," I said, pouting. Everyone burst out laughing. "Okay, I think we better get cleaned up guys. See you later!" I called, already partway up the staircase.

One shower later, I was heading back to the common room in a t-shirt and jeans when I heard yelling.

"None of you know what it's like! I had to go through Quirrel and Riddle with his Basilisk, and"- I saw that Harry was yelling at Ron and Hermione, and decided to step in.

"Dude, shut the freaking hell up before I set a ghost dragon on you or something. What are you yelling about anyway?" I asked, sitting in one of the puffy chairs by the fire.

"Well, I had the idea of Harry teaching us Defence, since that hag isn't teaching us anything at all," Hermione said.

I stared at her in shock. "Did Hermione Granger just call a teacher a hag? Oh my freaking god, are you sick?" I asked her, getting up and feeling her forehead.

"No, Chris, I'm fine, besides, bit rich coming from you," she shoved my arm down.

"But you just insulted a teacher! Hermione Jane Granger insulted a teacher! It's the beginning of the end! Only the apocalypse, the end of the world, can come now!" I yelled, dramatically sweeping my arms.

"Ha ha, Chris, very funny and mature. So, do you want Harry to teach us, or not?" Hermione asked, the boys chuckling a bit.

"Oh my freaking god, I've corrupted you! You just used sarcasm! I feel so proud," I said, pretending to wipe away a tear. "But yeah, let's go for it! I came to learn, not stare at a load of shit between book covers for hours."

"I won't"- I cut Harry off mid-shout again.

"Look, asshole, do you really want to send dozens of people into the same world as a so-called Dark Lord when you had the chance to change that?" I asked, poking him in the chest with every word. He shook his head, cowed.

"So, ask yourself, to teach, or not to teach?" I finished.

"Okay, I'll teach, but it's only you guys, right?" Harry asked.

"Maybe, but we should give others the chance, right?" I said, as everyone nodded.

"Alright, alright, I'll do it, but what do I teach?" Harry asked.

"Well, it's usually a good idea to teach what you know, Harry. Just teach some spells, and give examples of what sort of situations we should use which spells in," I told him. He nodded, and I turned towards the other two.

"Okay, I just saw the time, and I'm going to bed. If I hear anymore shouting, I'm coming down here, and it won't be pretty," I lowered my voice to a dangerous whisper, and the trio gulped. "On that cheery note, good night!" I said in a chipper, normal voice, and ignoring their bemused looks, went up the staircase.

"She's mental," Ron said.

"Yes, but at least she's our friend," Hermione said.

"Yeah, hate to be her enemy," Harry shivered.

Review responses!

Eternal vampire: Thanks! I absolutely hate pink, and since Chris is pretty much me I wanted to get that across.

I love reviews, so it would be nice if more people did it, especially if they looked at my profile and answered some of the polls on there. If anyone wants to know what I have planned for any of my ideas, ask, unless if I either haven't figured it out or if I don't want to give it away, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. Seriously, look at the poll, if you don't, my next story that I'll post will be either a Harry Potter/Legend of Zelda or HP/Guardians of Ga'Hoole crossover and the latter will only be started after I at least get to book 8 or 13, and I'm only on book 1. I want people to remain interested, so review! I know this must be really annoying to people who bother to read the author notes, me begging every chapter, but I am really indecisive, and need help on which story to write next. It doesn't help that I almost constantly think of new ideas or lose my muse for already thought out ideas. Please? This means you, eternal vampire. You are my #1 reviewer, and so would really appreciate your input.


	8. Epic Awesomeness

Epic Awesomeness

AN: Rated Teen for violence and language. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! And I do not own Harry Potter.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE? GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE BEFORE I RIP YOUR SPLEEN OUT THROUGH YOUR NOSE!" was heard from the fifth years girls dormitory in Gryffindor Tower.

WHACK!

"Chris, what did I tell you about swearing? If you have to, don't let younger students hear, not scream swears so Slytherins in the dungeons can hear it!" the voice of female prefect Hermione Granger rang through the stairwell.

"Well, it's not my fault if I react badly to guys showing up in my room when I have only knew them for a few days!" came the same voice that was screaming before was now just audible to people in the common room that had gathered at 6 am to see what the commotion was about.

"What did you expect them to do, rape you?" Hermione asked, as four people came down the stairwell.

"Cover me in pink sparkles, actually," I said, being the person who woke everyone. Yeah, my yell woke up all the other Gryffindors. If they don't like it, tough.

"We needed to talk to you two!" came an indignant yet strangely strangled sounding.

"Look Harry, I'm sorry, but I didn't recognize you two, okay? Forgive me?" I asked, the people just out of sight in the common room wondering what the hell just happened.

"That depends, are you calling off the corpses yet?" Harry asked, when we came to the bottom of the stairs.

Hermione and I were in our night clothes, and were accompanied by Harry and Ron, who were in an awkward situation. Each had a zombie octopus around their necks, almost strangling them.

"By the way, how the bloody hell did you summon octopuses?" Ron asked.

"Octopi, not octopuses. And I have no idea how. Maybe they lived in the lake?" I suggested.

"So, call them off already!" Harry yelled, getting annoyed. Note to self, tentacles in Harry's ears leaves very annoyed Boy-Who-Lived. I should take notes.

"Did you have to hit me with a book, Hermione? What book was it, anyway?" I asked.

"_Hogwarts, a History. _You might want to put some ice on that," she sheepishly indicated the giant bruise starting to cover half my face.

"She hit you with a book, too?" Ouch," Harry winced in sympathy. Well, that explains the nice shiner he has.

"How did it even bruise? I don't even show bruises until they're green-yellow when they're healing," I said.

"Does it matter? Anyway…" Harry trailed off, indicating the octopus that seemed to be trying to reach his brain via ear.

"Okay, okay, but you two look cute together," I smirked, and released the octopi back to the afterlife before Harry could grab it and throw it at my face.

"Hang on, didn't you say something about some art thing last night?" Ron asked.

"Oh, yeah, come on! Wait till you see it!" I grabbed Ron and Hermione's arms and started dragging them, Harry following at a distance. Apparently, he was still mad at me.

I dragged them down to the entrance hall, where they and people that followed behind us gasped. All over the walls, floor and even the ceiling were swirls of colour. Some places had actual pictures, drawings, and all sorts of things, but it was in such a state of confusion that even I couldn't make out most of the separate drawings. It was in all colours and shades, and on one wall…

"'Chaos in the Halls of Hogwarts, a representation of the confusion and undulated chaos in the human mind. Created by Christina Wells, Fred and George Weasley, Azure Broek, Roxy Irwin, and Apollo Knight'. Really, Chris? Did you have to call your little masterpiece that?" Hermione asked me, and I just shrugged.

"Wait, you got your friends in on it, too?" Harry asked.

"Well, duh. When we traveled around in Canada, we made sure every school we went to had a good art program that we all entered. My friends wouldn't miss something like this for the world. Not to mention I would become their next meal if I didn't let them help," I joked. At their questioning looks, I shrugged. "Well, I know that they would never actually eat me, but they are all either always or transform into something that's prey is humans. What? Hey, at least I have a way to insure that Polly doesn't eat me, and he's the only one I have to watch out for," I added at their weird looks.

"Hey, over here!" I heard a whisper. I turned to see that guy Jordan gesturing for me to follow him. I walked after him as he lead me to a deserted shortcut behind a portrait. I checked that my friends hadn't followed me, and closed the painting after me.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Look, I have a secret, and you are one of the only people who could ever understand," he said, seeming to check to see no one was nearby.

"Why? Are you an alien or something?" I asked, sort of joking. I watched too much Doctor Who (An: Disclaimer: I do not own) before I came.

He snorted. "No, I'm a fallen angel," he said, like it was the most normal thing in the world. Well, if it was what he is, I guess it is.

"Seriously? So, do you have wings or something?" I asked, starting to bounce with the excitement of meeting a fallen angel.

"Actually, yeah. Since I'm a fallen angel, I do really well at Dark arts and neutral, but suck at Light magic and any physical activity. I have psychic abilities, teleportation abilities through space, and fly. I can also shape shift, but it's never perfect. Like, if I change into Harry, I'd have my own hair or something, but can't change into inanimate objects or anything of the opposite gender. I'm better at changing into animals than people, but for anything I turn into, only humans can really notice it, and creatures have to be told. Oh, and I can fly," he looked pleased at my shocked expression.

There was a pause. "Dude, that means we can prank the Toad Queen even more and have an alibi if we teleport! Can we?" I asked, resuming my jumping on the spot that had stopped halfway through his explanation.

"Sure, so, you don't think it's too strange?" Jordan asked.

"No, I mean, come on, I summon dead things, one of my best friends is a werewolf, another a vampire that hates blood, a shape shifter snow leopard person, and I became friends with the Boy-Who-Lived-to-be-Slandered, that is strange, you are awesome," I said.

"Wow, so, what do you want to do now?" he asked, seeming unsure of himself now.

"Let me guess, you had nothing planned beyond 'tell the necromancer', did you?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. Jordan shrugged and nodded.

"So, how about we go back and see what chaos my friends had stirred up?" I smiled devilishly. In response, Jordan passed me and opened the portrait, holding it open for me. Side by side, we walked back to the Entrance Hall, and saw a pretty awesome sight; Um-bitch standing in the middle, surrounded by laughing students. She was completely covered in multicolour paint, and I looked up to see a bucket floating above her, having just emptied its contents. I started chuckling as I looked around for the culprit, and saw the evil smile on Jordan's face.

"You did that?" I asked, amazed.

"Yep. So, now what?" he asked.

"How about we tell my friends? By that, I mean Azure, Polly, Roxy, and those three," I indicated Harry, Ron and Hermione.

"What? No, absolutely not. I didn't spend four years hiding only to put a neon sign saying 'freak' pinned on me," Jordan whispered.

"Why? They accepted me, and the only reason why everyone knows what I am is because I don't keep it a secret," I protested. I thought, and looked down. "You're right. I shouldn't tell anyone unless you want me to. I'm sorry, I won't tell anybody without your express permission," I apologized. Just because he told me doesn't mean everyone at Hogwarts should know as well. He probably worked hard at keeping it a secret.

"How about this; we tell your best friends, the vampire, werewolf and shapeshifter, and only tell those guys," here Jordan gestured to the golden trio, "if it becomes more complicated not to tell, or if something big happens. Deal?" he asked.

I looked up, smiling. "Deal," I said. "So, what are you, exactly? I mean, what is a fallen angel? Were you a messenger of God, a demon, or some sort of divine being cursed to mortal-ness for a crime, or a dead person that started a new life, unable to go to Heaven or Hell?" I asked.

"Angels are a divine race that lives in the heavens, but I fell. I was flying, and I just fell. We don't really believe in a higher power, so maybe someone wanted to get rid of me, but I remember falling, and then waking up as a winged child, about 4 or 5 years old. I lived by myself, shifting into the form of a man for any parent stuff, so that's how I didn't get caught in the Muggle world. I got my letter to Hogwarts, and now here I am. There is a story that if a fallen angel does something big and heroic before their mortal life is up, they can return to the heavens, but it's different for any angels, so I have no idea what it is for me," Jordan told me.

"Wow, that's deep. So, if you die, you die? Game over, end of story, final rest, that sort of deal?" I asked. He nodded. "Uh, so, how about we cause lots of chaos and stuff so you either get up to heaven or at least have one hell of a time before you go?" I asked. Jordan smiled, and nodded. That was when I noticed my friends nearby, and waved them over.

"Jordan," I started, as my friends were still out of earshot. "We're having a meeting on Saturday, so how about we tell them then?"

"Well, okay, but only them," he said.

"Of course. Guys, this is Jordan. He's coming to our little meeting Saturday, alright?" I asked my friends.

"Sure, but I never knew you to trust someone this quickly, Chris," Roxy said. Azure agreed, and Apollo sniffed Jordan.

"Polly, remember what I said about sniffing people and first impressions?" I asked my wolfish friend.

"But he smells weird!" Apollo protested.

"So do I and Azure," came my feeble response. Of course Apollo wouldn't sniff his friends, he knew our scent, but Jordan on the other hand…

"Okay Chris, but if he so much as looks at you wrong, we will beat the tar out of him," Azure said. At my curious look for her choice of words, she indicated a group of firsties nearby. That explains the lack of swears.

"Thanks guys, but if I don't like something about him, I think I can take care of myself," I assured them. I noticed that Harry was looking my way, and he seemed to get Ron and Hermione's attention and gestured at me. Not wanting a confrontation, I turned Jordan towards the marble staircase behind us and lead him up, letting him lead when we were out of sight.

"They think I'm an evil vampire or something," he informed me.

"How did you- oh, right, psychic. So, do you have wings?" I asked.

"Sort of. I have wings, but they can retract, so it's easier to pass as human. You try sharing a dorm with humans when you have wings," he laughed a bit. I chuckled weakly, thinking of how hard it must be for him to be the only of his kind here. It was only then that I noticed that this scenario was slightly familiar.

"Is it just me, or does this scenario remind you of that movie Hancock?" I asked, laughing.

"Actually yeah, it does. Hopefully I don't have to find another of my kind to go back," Jordan snickered.

"So, what do you do for fun?" I asked.

"I play games. Have you heard of Team Fortress 2? Or how about Sonic the Hedgehog?" he asked (AN: I own neither).

"Hell yes to Sonic! I may not be a fan of all the games, but I like Adventures 2 Battle and newer games, but…" our voices died as we turned the corner, neither of us noticing the water creature that watched us from the shadows.

AN: Mwahahaha! Cliff hanger! You all must hate me. Now there is plot! A totally random plot of pranking and stuff, but a plot nonetheless. Kudos to Jordan for giving me a plot idea and another character to torture (cough) I mean put in my story (shifty eyes).

Okay, I am fed up with lack of reviews. I have only gotten reviews from 3 or 4 people, and not one concerning the questions and polls on my profile. After this chapter I will only post another chapter after I get 5 or more reviews about what story to write next, or anything, really. It seriously bugs me because one day I want to write a story, and the next my mind leaps to a too-similar story to write (or at least post) both. This also means I'll be waayy ahead in chapters concerning Chaos and my HP/Guardians of Ga'Hoole story that's in the works. I don't just have that poll on my profile for kicks, you know, so everyone, yes, even you reading this chapter without an account to call your own, click that goddamn review button already, ALRIGHT? Sheesh, begging for weeks, and not one person has an opinion.

Oh, and thanks to Broeken for being my sort-of beta reader. In this case, I mean beta as a person who looks over it not through fanfiction dot net, so for anyone that wants her as theirs or something, sucks to be you. Yeah, just thought I'd throw that out there. Now, see that review button? Time to clicky, clicky, clicky! Maybe I shouldn't write author notes when I'm tired. Oh well.


	9. Mini Plot and Revelations

Mini Plot and Revelations 

AN: Sorry! I didn't mean for the long wait, but I wanted to write a lot of other stories, including some oneshots I'll be posting soon. But now it's time for a totally random mini plot! If any of you are wondering how I came up with this, one of my friends suggested it.

_Saturday_

"Hey Chris! Today's the day, huh?" Apollo asked me outside the library. With us were Azure, Roxy, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Jordan. Today is the day I reveal my past to my friends. I was nervous, but not nervous enough to not have something random up my sleeve.

"Oh, Azure, before we go in, here!" I said, holding up a red apple.

"Yum!" Azure said, grabbing the apple and devouring it on the spot.

"A vampire and an apple? Isn't that a Twilight reference?" Colin Creevy, who was passing us, asked. In response, I took out my necromancy staff, a beautiful piece of carved wood with designs meaning death and rebirth all over it in wood that was mainly jet black with grey and white swirls, and promptly whacked him over the head repeatedly while Apollo growled.

"Never mention that offense to literature and all humanoid magical creatures in front of me!" I said, each word punctuated with a hit. Covering his head, Colin ran into the library.

Everyone that didn't know me as well stared at me. "What? I don't like Twilight. You should see me when someone asks me if I'm team Edward or Jacob. Then I get pissed," I said, smiling evilly at the thought of hurting Twilight air heads, while everyone who was surprised looked at each other nervously. I turned, and skipped into the library, going to a table in a distant corner. Everyone just shrugged and followed.

"Okay, everyone. This meeting is to basically bare my deep and dark past to older friends and almost strangers. I'll try to not get too depressing, and if I come across as an unfeeling bitch it's so I don't cry," I took a deep, calming breath. "When I was six and a half my parents died, and my sister was severely injured. I ran away, and almost got raped later that night. My necromancy saved and almost killed me, it was right by a graveyard, and I accidently called on some corpses for help, but they killed my attacked, and turned on my," I shakily continued, seeing the dark and memorable night in my mind's eye. "Before they could touch me, though, a man came and used a staff to make them go back to their graves. That man was my master from then till I was thirteen, when he kicked me out, as is the norm for apprenticed necromancers. I wandered for a year, and then I found these guys," here I gestured to Azure, Apollo and Roxy, "and that's it," I had tears coming down my cheeks as I remembered the night my parents died in The Accident, as I called it, and then almost dying by my own hand. Azure and Roxy held my shoulders as I struggled not to lose all of my composure and start bawling.

"How- what happened exactly?" Ron asked, clearly having his curiosity outweighing his tact.

"They were shot when they were mugged, I ran from fear of the man who did it. My sister had a shot nick her brain, and the doctors say she won't ever wake up, so I didn't have much to hold me there, she might as well be dead," I sobbed, remembering how dead she did look in the hospital bed, all those machines attached.

"Wow, no wonder you seem so messed up," Harry said before looking horrified at what he said and clamming up.

I gave a sad laugh. "Don't worry about it, I know I'm crazy, and I don't care. It doesn't bother me that you think so too, at least you have a small idea of what to expect, or what not to." I gave a weak evil smile, and the others smiled back a bit. "Besides, I would be more worried if I acted normal, since I'd be bottling up my emotions." Ron and Hermione both shot Harry a sharp look as he slid down in his seat, embarrassed. Hmm, I should look into that, or have him sent to a physiatrist. I could have a lot of fun with that idea…

There was a pause. "Will that be all?" Hermione asked. I nodded, and she, Ron and Harry got up and went I don't where. I grabbed Apollo before he could follow, and he yelped, earning me a glare from the librarian. I smiled and waved, and turned back to Azure, Roxy and Jordan, who didn't even move to leave.

"Hang on, Jordan here has a secret past as well, and he wants it to be more secretive than what I just told you, so if I hear anything about it beyond this room, you'll wish you were dead," I said, giving my best evil glare of doom, before snapping into a cheery smile. "Your turn!" I turned to Jordan, who was a little taken back by my sudden change in attitude.

Jordan swallowed, and told the others what he was. I zoned out, seeing as I have heard it before. Oh, don't give me that look, yeah, you! I was tired and depressed over the whole telling my past to people. Okay, okay, so it's an excuse, but at least there wasn't anything that I haven't heard in his speech. I came back into focus when I distantly heard Azure ask "So why tell us? Do you want our help for finding your way back to heaven?"

"Pretty much. Do any of you have any ideas?" Jordan asked.

"Yeah, you will probably have to die in something overly dramatic and we'll all cry, thinking that you died, and instead you'll be fluttering above the clouds without a care in the world," I said, and looked around as everyone stared at me.

"What? Think about it, is anything in our lives subtle? It's always in the extremes, either excitement or boredom," I said.

"Yeah, it does seem that way, doesn't it?" Roxy said.

"Hell yeah. So, what do you guys want to do now?" I ask.

Everyone shrugged.

"Fine then. I will go and prank someone. Anyone that wants to join me is welcome," I stood up and walked away. I didn't even look to see who was following me, if anyone.

"Aren't you going to wait?" Apollo asked.

"Meh," I shrugged. _Blub blub blub_

"What the hell was that?" I asked. I looked behind me and there was what seemed to be an animated puddle of water. "Okay, who's been playing around in Charms class?" I asked, before I noticed that the puddle was forming a shape. "Please don't be Morpha, please don't be Morpha," I chanted, hoping that whatever the water monster was it wouldn't be the one in the video game Zelda: Ocarina of Time (AN: The Legend of Zelda is copyright of Nintendo).

The water thing formed into a slightly familiar shape, but I couldn't quite put my finger on in…

"Hey, isn't that Chaos from Sonic the Hedgehog?" Jordan called out.

"You have got to be shitting me. Wait, what the hell?" I cried before the thing that was a watery humanoid grabbed me.

"Chris!" Azure cried my name while the Chaos look-a-like ran off, while I just screamed as it threw me over its shoulder.

"Okay, that was weird," Roxy said.

"Uh, did a video game character just kidnap Chris?" Apollo asked.

"Yes," Jordan said.

"Uh, I think we should tell Harry and the others, you know, go and rescue Chris?" Roxy said.

"Okay. HARRY!" Apollo yelled, running in a random direction, the others following.

AN: For the record, here is gender of all the OC's, since they're all 15 years old.  
Me/Chris: Girl. Azure: Girl Roxy: Girl Apollo: Guy Jordan: Guy  
This is just so it's perfectly clear. Thanks to Lotrisbest for telling me that Apollo's gender was confusing. The thing is, is that they are really a girl but wanted to be depicted as a guy, and I try to make these OC's as true to the real-life models as possible, so I sometimes slip.


	10. Plot Ends and Life Goes On… Sorta

Plot Ends and Life Goes On… Sorta 

Super Update Time! Sorry for not updating for so long, but I hope you can forgive me after posting multiple chapters in one day.

AN: Yes, yes, the plot ends after two chapters. I don't think it could even be called a plot, but I will. Why? Because…  
THIS. IS. SPARTA!  
Okay, okay, no. It's just my own warped mind. Ha! And if you're wondering, yes, I got bored and put action in. Deal.

This chapter is in Third POV. Enjoy.

"What?" Professor McGonagall exclaimed.

"It's the truth, professor, a giant water monster carried Chris off," Jordan explained to her, again.

"We need to hurry, that thing might do something to her," Harry said, having been tackled and pulled along previously.

"I will tell the headmaster. In the meantime, there is nothing you can do. Please return to your common rooms until this crisis has passed," McGonagall said.

_2 months later…_

"How do you think Chris is doing?" Harry asked Hermione in the Gryffindor common room. Two months have passed since what Jordan identified as 'Chaos' kidnapped Chris.

"I don't know. Who knows if she's even…" she trailed off.

"Hey," Apollo leapt through the portrait hole, Chris's friends following. Because we were only allowed in common rooms, they were given permission to enter Gryffindor Tower because Chris had the most friends in that house. This was because more people would be sneaking out if they weren't.

"Any news?" Ron asked. Azure shook her head. Jordan, who had came in as well, was looking out the window.

"Guys! I think I see Chaos!" he shouted.

Outside there was a large frog-like creature composed of water. It was indeed Chaos, but unlike in the game that its creation was probably inspired by, it had no need of emeralds to get stronger. At the moment it was cornering some Ravenclaws against one of the walls of the castle. Not waiting for anyone, Jordan whipped out wings and jumped out the window, gliding down to the ground, leaving the others to take the slower way down via stairs.

"Guys, get the DA and tell them to get their wands ready!" Harry shouted to Apollo and Roxy, both of which ran off. DA was the name of Dumbledore's Army, the 'study group' Harry taught. They were also preparing to rescue Chris, and it seems that that moment had finally come.

Running outside, the DA assembled, seeing Jordan using FiendFyre on Chaos. Being so powerful, he had revealed himself to everyone in the hopes that Chris could be rescued. The DA joined in with normal 'incendios', driving the creature away from the first year Ravenclaws, On the downside, though, it grabbed Ron, and fled towards the lake. Running after him, everyone saw him hastily use a Bubble-head Charm before they dived into the lake. Prepared for this, after all, Chaos was made of water, so where else but the lake? Half of them grabbed Gilly-weed, obtained through various ways, and hastily chewed it, growing gills and fins, and diving into the water. Harry led this half, while Hermione stayed as part of the back-up and cover half of the DA, so that in most situations the other half could retreat to a 'safe-zone'.

Following the lighter current of air that was Chaos, the team that the rest of the DA called 'offensive retrieval' swam into a cave that strangely had ice, and in one portion of the ice…

"Oh merlin, it's Chris!" Jordan, who had forgone Gilly-weed for his own animagus-like abilities to grow gills, immediately started using spells to chip away at the ice. Neville, also part of the team, helped while everyone else stood guard. They managed to get Chris out, still encased in ice, but now able to be manoeuvred out of the cave. As they were half-way out, someone shouted "It's coming back!"

The light blue current that was Chaos was coming, but the DA used 'incendios' to hold it at bay, it seeming not to like hot jets of water, while Harry, Jordan and Neville got Chris out. When they got out, the rest swam after them, and they all swam as fast as they could. When they were feet below the surface, Ron, who had escaped himself, swam up with Chris. Now in light, some wondered whether it was a person, or a corpse that she like to summon so much. Her skin was almost blue, while her lips were. Her eyes were closed, and they all wondered how anyone could survive that, if indeed she did.

On the shore, Hermione helped Ron drag the block of ice encasing Chris, which had already started to melt. She and five others used melting charms in hopes that they wouldn't have to bury her right after. When the last of the ice was merely water, she laid there. Minutes passed, but she began to sputter, coughing up water. Immediately, people came rushing in with blankets and Pepper-up potions. Teachers milled in the background, seeing that everything seemed in hand, and that the panic for the past two months was for nothing, when something even more immense than the Giant Squid burst out of the water, sprays of water and students still using Gilly-weed thrown asunder alike. Thankfully, the hour was up, so everyone that was still in the water got out, and started to fight the aquatic being. Teachers joined in, and other students jolted into action, either using more spells to attack or defend, or taking anyone injured up to the hospital wing, including Chris and Neville, who was thrown onto stone when Chaos surfaced.

"There's no way to take it down!" Hermione cried, using a fire spell to ward off a tentacle that tried to wrap around her.

"I know how to beat it," Jordan said.

"WHAT? Why didn't you say that earlier?" Harry yelled, jumping to the side to prevent being crushed by another tentacle. Now Chaos resembled a sea urchin with watery tentacles as opposed to spines.

"Because it means sacrificing myself," Jordan said in a low voice. All of a sudden, he spread his wings and flew up in front of the middle of the water monster. Uttering a scream of defiance and rage, he started to glow with a black fire that absorbed the light, before the flames extended beyond the boundaries of his body, and it eventually engulfed a shocked Chaos. When the dark inferno died, there was nothing there.

"Jordan?" Azure whispered. He was one of the ones that were imperative to the search and training of the DA. Without him, they wouldn't have such good battle formations. Even though he wasn't human, he was a friend. As she and Chris's other best friends walked up to the hospital wing, they were lost in thought, wondering if their friend was alive, and how to tell her that the fallen angel they all called friend died.

Entering the hospital wing, they saw that Chris was sitting up…

"WHAT THE FUCK? TWO MONTHS? TWO MONTHS FOR SOMEONE TO RESCUE ME, AND IT WAS A GROUP OF FELLOW STUDENTS! ARE THE TEACHERS AROUND HERE GOOD FOR ANYTHING? TWO FREAKING MONTHS!" …And angrily screaming, apparently.

"Chris, calm down. Yes, it took two months, but at least now you don't have to wait so long for Halloween, it's in a week," Roxy tried to calm her down, to no avail.

"WHAT? BUT THE BUILD UP TO THE HOLIDAY IS AS GOOD AS THE DAY IT SELF!" She yelled.

"Calm down, alright? At least Fanghur can just get Halloween out of the way," Apollo said, before Chris started beating him with a silver spoon.

"NO BREAKING THE FORTH WALL, GODAMNIT!"

"Alright, alright! I won't!" he yelled, as Chris calmed down and sat back down in her temporary bed.

"So, did anything else happen?" Chris asked, seeing that her best friends seemed to be down about something.

"Jordan… Jordan died," Roxy managed to say before crying. All of them had grown close during the two months, while Chris was frozen in the lake.

"What? THAT ASSHOLE!" Chris yelled. "Why?" she whispered, all her anger leaving her.

"Chaos almost defeated us, but with Jordan's sacrifice we won, he was also the one to tell us some battle strategies that we used," Ron, who was in another bed, tried to placate Chris.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Chris asked, having done a double-take.

"Chaos grabbed me and led the others to you. I got bruised ribs," Ron explained.

"Wow, so, how did we get stuck with a monster from the blue lagoon?" Chris asked. Just then, McGonagall came through the doors, holding Dean Thomas by the ear.

"This is the one who was responsible for the monster," she said.

"If you don't start explaining why you did it, I am going to make it so not even a master necromancer will be able to summon your cold corpse," Chris said in a low, deadly voice.

"I-I was just trying to see if could summon characters from muggle media," Dean said, almost crying. "I didn't mean for anything like this to happen."

"If you ever do anything else that kidnaps or even annoys me," Chris said, "I will make your life a living hell, so bad that you will beg for death, even if you do go to hell." Dean went wide-eyed and nodded furiously. "kay. I think that's punishment enough."

"How can you say that? Jordan…" Harry trailed off as everyone noticed a red glow in the general shape of a human appear beside Chris's bed, growing clearer and clearer.

"Jordan?" Chris jumped up and hugged him.

"Guess what?" he said.

"You did what you need to do to go back to heaven?" Roxy said.

"Yes! I can even come back to visit you guys," Jordan said as he put his arms around Chris. Everyone talked for a bit, but things got serious after a while. No, Sirius, you aren't in this chapter. NO!

"Did a girl who had dragon wings, horns, spines and teeth just drag a grim out of the hospital wing?" someone asked. Harry, Ron and Hermione gave each other what-did-he-do-now looks. How the heck did Snuffles get here, anyway?

"Moving on, so, what was it like being frozen?" Neville asked.

"I was aware of everything around me. It was like being in a coma or something, and no, I don't know from personal experience," Chris said. "You'll have to talk to Azure about that. NOOOO, not the Death Glare!" Chris cowered before the almighty epicness of a pissed-off witch/vampire.

Suddenly the sky turned red and there was evil laughter form outside. The dragon girl from earlier ran back into the room and ran to the window. She had blue scales covering her forearms and clawed feet, legs covered in blue jeans and wearing a black t-shirt. She had black hair and silver claws, along with silver spines and yellow eyes.

"GANONDORK, GET OUT OF THIS FIC BEFORE I BEAT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH THE FOUR-SWORD! YOU WILL BE IN ANOTHER FIC, SO GET YOUR ASS AWAY FORM HERE, **NOW**!"

The redness and evil presence left immediately and the dragon girl turned around.

"Hi, I'm Fanghur. Bye!" she waved and flew out the window, leaving black wisps of smoke, because sparkles are over-rated.

"Ooookaaay then, that was random even for me," Chris slowly said, and everyone looked at her.

"You have got to be kidding me, even the necromancer says it's weird!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Yep, but now if something like that happens again, it'll be old stuff," Chris said.

"So, who was she yelling"- Chris cut Harry off. Do I sense a pattern?

"Don't ask. Just don't ask."

"Okay, so, now what?" Ginny asked.

"We prepare for Halloween, that's what," Chris said, leaping from her bed. Her friends cheered, and everyone else groaned. Guess they think that the proclamation meant pranks and weirdness galore, and of course, they're right.


	11. Gate Night and Pranks Galore

Gate Night and Pranks Galore 

AN: Twilight abuse. You have been warned. Oh, and very long and crackish at the end. Which is far away, since this is a very long chapter. YAY!

"No, absolutely not!" Harry protested. We were all in the Gryffindor Common room, trying to get everyone a costume to make a haunted house-type thing. Dumbledore said that if we got it up and running with minimal magic, we could let other students walk through and see how muggles celebrate the 'day of the dead'. Also, I'm back to being the narrator. Isn't that awesome? (Crickets chirp) Thanks, everyone… thanks. I really appreciate the lack of concern you all have after I was TRAPPED IN ICE for TWO MONTHS!

"But we need a pirate! Or how about a skeleton? Please? Plleeaaassseeee?" I asked, holding up an enchanted skeleton costume, so when someone puts it on, they'll actually look like one.

"Look at it this way, Harry, if you're a skeleton, nobody can recognize you, and you can scare people!" I tried to convince him.

"Wait, I thought that it was supposed to be as muggle as possible," Hermione came up and told me.

"He said we could charm the costumes so people's identities stay hidden, and I actually took a lemon drop, so that put him in a good mood," I smirked.

"How would that put him in a good mood?" Ron asked.

"He offers them to everyone, Ron. He keeps a dish of them on his desk all the time," Harry told his best friend, rolling his eyes and not noticing my evil grin. He he he, I just got an idea.

"How are you doing this when you need to get caught up after those two months, Chris?" Ron asked, struggling into a werewolf costume.

"My friends are tutoring me, plus I am a very quick learner. Now, I want everyone to choose a costume they feel comfortable in, since you'll probably be running around for hours. Now, anyone that has already done so can get to these corridors," I yelled to everyone in the room and pointed to a map that was on the wall, designed by the Weasley twins, based off of the Marauder's Map. "I want the area to look like an actually spooky haunted house, not a cheap knock-off! Use magic if needed, but try to use mundane means when possible!" People started to file out, taking some Halloween decorations I had laying around with them. I knew that the other houses were helping with this project, so I wasn't too stressed. Best of all, everyone who participates got extra credit in Muggle Studies, even if they aren't taking that class!

"Hey, Chris!" Fred and George came through the Portrait hole, both smiling.

"What? Did you guys blow up a classroom?" I asked.

"We just wanted-"

"To give you-"

"Something of yours," Fred finished, and George held something out.

"Is that…. YES! ! My iPod! !" I said, hugging their legs. Everyone gave us weird glances, but saw it was me, so they went back to what they were doing.

"You're welcome," George said, as Fred tried and failed to undo my grip. Nice try, buddy, if I'm holding onto something, it's going to take a hell of a lot to make me let go.

"Why am I here, again?" Colin Creevy asked, dressed as a vampire (not a Twilight faggot), "And why am I a vampire?"

"One: We want a camera person for muggle pictures of scared people, and two: I still don't like you after that mention of the not-vampires, so this is to show you what a vampire is, as in they have fangs, and DON'T SPARKLE, GODAMN!" I yelled at him as he cowered. Azure nodded behind me, giving him a Death Glare of Doom™. He scrambled out of the room and ran in the direction of the set-up. If he wasn't, he was so dead.

"Hermione, is there any way to conjure working speakers? Please?" I gave her puppy-dog look.

"I don't know, we could ask Professor McGonagall," Hermione slowly said. I Shouted "Yay!" and promptly pulled her out of the room. Luckily, she wasn't in costume yet so the surprise wasn't blown. In case you're wondering, the only thing that everyone not part of 'operation spook' as I called it knew that there was something going on, nothing more.

"Is she gone?" Harry asked. Ron nodded. "Good, then I can lea"-

"No can do, Harry!" Fred said, hooking one of his arms under Harry's.

"You have to stay here," George got under his other arm.

"Now, how about a nice Fairy Princess costume?" they finished together.

"NNOOOOOOOOOO!"

_meanwhilemeanwhilemeanwhile_

"NNOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Hey, is it just me or was that Harry screaming?" I asked Hermione.

"Do you think he's alright?" Hermione asked, starting to panic.

"If getting stuffed into a Princess costume is 'alright', then yes," I smiled. "I asked Fred and George to if Harry tried to leave."

"Have I ever told you just how happy I am that you're a Gryffindor?" Hermione breathed out in relief.

"I don't think Harry is, though," I said, and we both laughed a bit as we walked down the corridor.

_laterlaterlaterlater_

"Kay, guys, thanks for helping to set-up!" I called to everyone in an empty classroom. Inside was the entire group that was helping with 'operation spook', so we couldn't use a common room since there was people from all the houses. "It starts tomorrow at five, so be here by four thirty so we can do last minute set up, until then, adios!" I waved most of them out.

"I don't think this is a very good idea, seeing as you still need to get caught up in your studies," Hermione informed me.

"Meh," I shrugged nonchalantly. Hang on, is that redundant?

"Careful Chris, she might make you a study schedule," Ron warned me, interrupting me from wondering if you can shrug chalantly. Is that even a word?

"Earth to Chris, come in Chris," Azure waved a hand in front of my face.

"What? Sorry, zoned out for a moment," I shook my head.

"Obviously. I mean, you didn't even notice Hermione hitting Ron," Harry told me.

"What? Damn, I had a plan too," I said before I covered my mouth. Trust me, for your health, and more importantly, mine, it's best if I don't say what, except it involves Hermione hitting Ron, a camera and using it as blackmail.

"So, Harry, did Fred and George get you into a fairy princess costume yet?" Apollo asked innocently, and everyone laughed as Harry turned bright red and muttered something along the lines of either "Get stuffed," or "Oh, shut up." Both such imaginative responses.

"What are you going to be for 'operation spook'?" Roxy asked, rolling her eyes at the name. Well, excuse me if I'm not good at names!

"Skeleton," Harry muttered.

"Better than anything fairy or princess related," I told him, and got a grunt in return. Seriously, I was here a week, got kidnapped, and been back for another week, and I see no enthusiasm! And for Halloween, too!

"So, when do we start?" Ron asked.

"Tomorrow's Halloween, so we meet here at four thirty to give ourselves time to get in costume, last minute stuff, that sort of stuff," I said. "And you'd have known this if you bloody paid attention."

"Looks like it's her time of the month," Harry muttered to Hermione.

"Look, Potter, I'd appreciate if you didn't say stuff involving my menstruation cycle, and I'm sure you'd appreciate keeping your reproductive organs, is that clear?" I asked him.

"Y-yes ma'am!" stuttered out a very pale Harry. Heh, gotta love how guys have that one weak spot.

"Chris, stop threatening Harry," Jordan appeared.

"Wassup?" I asked him.

"Have you heard about the whole Haunted-house thing we're doing, Jordan?" Roxy asked as Hermione glared at me in the background. Geez, this girl has issues with butchering the English language, which is weird because isn't English a butchering and combination of a bunch of other languages?

"Focus, Chris, you just missed Jordan agreeing to be a ghost for the haunted house," Azure knocked on my head a few times.

"Sweet, so do you need a costume?" I asked him as my other friends rolled their eyes.

"No," Jordan said, and turned slightly transparent.

"Wicked!" I shouted.

"Is she always like this?" Hermione whispered to Azure.

"No, not before we came here, but that's probably because she had to hide her abilities, so she's more open here, where secrecy isn't an issue," she answered.

"Thanks, guys, thanks for the support, so glad you care about me so much," I rolled my eyes. Everyone stared at me. "What?" I asked.

"You do realise that that was the first thing sarcastic that you said since we rescued you, right?" Roxy pointed out, everyone nodding behind her.

"Seriously? Holy"-

"Chris!" Hermione cut me off.

"Hermione!" I mimicked her.

"Don't mimic me!" Hermione said.

"Don't mimic me!" I copied her.

"Stop it!"

"Stop it!"

"Chris!"

Harry slapped a hand over my mouth. "Do you want to have her pissed off at you?" he hissed.

"Do you want me pissed off at you?" I countered. He then proceeded to give me a death glare. Oh, scary.

"What were you two arguing about again?" Ron asked.

"When Chris almost swore," Hermione sniffed.

"Hey, where is she?" Apollo asked, looking around, the door swinging a bit as they looked to find me gone.

_Meanwhilemeanwhilemeanwhile_

"OH MY GOD! A FLYING MONKEY!" I screamed, pointing out the window in Professor Dumbledore's office. I guessed the password and started to talk to him about the wonderfulness of socks. As he looked out the window I grabbed his ever present dish of lemon drops and booked it out of there.

_And you're the smartest wizard alive? _I thought as I ran, cackling.

_Meanwhilemeanwhilemeanwhile_

"Did I just hear evil laughter?" Ron asked.

"Nah, sounded more like cackling," Harry said. Well, he does have the most experience with evil maniacs than most of the people in the room. At that moment, they saw me run past the door clutching a dish filled with yellow sweets.

"She didn't…" Hermione whispered, eyes as wide as saucers.

"She did," Harry said, just as wide eyed.

"Bloody hell, that girl has guts," Ron muttered.

"What are you three talking about?" Azure demanded.

"Chris stole Dumbledore's lemon drops," Harry finally said.

"Wonder how she did it?" Roxy asked.

"Something utterly brilliant to get past him," Ron said.

"That, or told him to look out the window and booked it," Azure said.

From farther away, in the castle…"OWW! F*CKING POLE!"

"…okay, that was random," Harry said.

"Should we go see if she's okay?" Hermione asked.

"More like see if she's burning down the castle," Apollo said.

"Nah, let's not check," Jordan said, leaning back against the wall.

"Come on," Azure said, grabbing his arm and dragging him out the door, everyone else following. They found me sitting on the ground, clutching a bloody nose, the lemon drops scattered around me and the dish was rolling around in a circle, settling to a stop with a clatter of glass.

"This is why you shouldn't steal….especially not Dumbledore's lemon drops…" Azure said solemnly, helping me up.

"I have a theory that they're filled with an Obedience potion or Veritaserum or another truth potion, and had to steal them to test it," I muttered, and looked down at my shirt, namely the lovely red stain that was on it. "Damn, so much for not staining this uniform."

Everyone looked at each other. "Need some help picking up all the sweets?" Ron asked.

"Uh, maybe you should just grab one to test, because he's on his way, and he's moving fast!" Harry called out.

"How do you know that?" Apollo asked, and noticed everyone else was already turning the corner at a dead run. He yelped and took off after us.

"RUN RUN RUN!" I scream, laughing like a maniac.

"Is she high?" Hermione asked Azure.

"No, probably just bored," the magical vampire answered.

"HAPPY HALLOWEEN!" I yell at some first years we pass, still laughing, and they stared after us like we were escapees of a nuthouse, which is actually true in my case. What? Someone overheard my talking about necromancy, and got me in a straightjacket. I escaped the next day, so no big deal.

"Is she insane?" Ron asked Azure.

"Yep," she answered, like it was totally normal for me to act like a crazy person. Oh, wait, it is.

"Chris, he's not chasing us anymore, you know," Harry broke me out of my thoughts.

"Good," I gasp, and fall to the ground, candy dish with a few sweets still in it resting on my stomach. "I am not a distance runner, or any other type of runner, period."

"What are you doing here?" came a voice that everyone just absolutely adores asked. Okay, Azure probably adores him, and I think he's alright, but most others hate him.

"Hi, professor Snape! Can you do me a favour?" I ask, still on the floor.

"What?" he asked.

"Can you test old Dumble's sweets for any illegal potions or anything in them?" I ask.

"You want me to what?" Snape asked, flabbergasted. That's a fun word, flabbergasted. Heh heh.

I hold up the bowl with the little yellow sweets in it. "Test these for mind-altering potions."

"Why?" he asked, still confused.

"Because," I say.

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"It's just that I have a theory…" I said.

That got his attention. "And that would be…"

"That he wants to take over the world by making everyone his brainwashed sheep followers and destroy all darkness and free will, leaving himself as dictator of the world, and forcing everyone to work in candy factories," I explained.

Suddenly, a shadow fell over me. "Miss Wells, is there a reason why you stole my lemon drops and currently lying on the floor, not to mention that you have a broken nose?" Dumbledore asked.

"Oh, shit," I so eloquently said. I sprung up, screaming "Flee, my friends, flee for your lives!" and booked it, leaving behind a very pissed off Headmaster and a chuckling Potions Master.

"I can't believe we did that," Hermione said.

"What? Running away from Dumbledore, or following someone who has a theory that he wants us to all be slaves in a candy factory?" Harry asked.

"Guys, where are Apollo and Roxy?" I ask. We then heard a ruckus coming from a corridor nearby. We followed the sounds for a while, until we got to a door.

Hermione stopped, grabbing Harry's and Ron's arms. "Aren't we on the third floor corridor?" she asked. Harry and Ron thought for a moment, before an identical look of horror crossed their faces.

"Fluffy…" they all breathed simultaneously, and threw open the door. Okay, weird. That is, until I saw a giant three headed dog. Now, most people would be scared of a giant three headed dog that looks like it just escaped from Hades, but my friends and I? Well, instead of running and screaming, we would do what Apollo and Roxy were doing, and that is playing with the already mentioned dog. Like, petting its belly and going 'good boy! Good boy! Who's a good boy, you are! You are!' in a baby voice. The golden trio stood there, shell shocked, Azure squealed and ran into the room and started petting the third head, and as for me, my jaw dropped.

"What is the meaning of this? That area is off-limits!" McGonagall came around the corner. I chose that moment to let everyone know why I was totally slack-jawed until then.

"This is animal abuse! Oh my freaking god, the poor thing's been locked up for years! I-I can't believe this! I should sue the school!" I proclaimed. "That dog shouldn't be in there! Here, Fluffy!" I called. The giant dog in question looked at me, and somehow squeezed through the door to get to me, running over Apollo in the process.

"Come!" I ordered him, and I lead the oh so scary oversized lovable puppy outside. Surprisingly, none of the teachers I passed seemed eager to stop a necromancer with a Cerberus following them. Wonder why?

Anyway, when we got out of the castle, I spread my arms out dramatically. "Be free, Fluffy! Run to your heart's content in the wilderness!" Fluffy sped past me, only to pounce on Hagrid, who had just exited the Forbidden Forest, and started licking him like crazy, all three tongues going. "Or you could do that," I finished, lowering my arms and shrugging.

"Fail," Jordan materialized beside me, causing me to jump.

"Do that again and we'll see if you still have a spleen, at least for a short while," I threatened.

"Whatever, so, what's new?" he asked.

"Let's see, tried and got distracted from trying to prove a conspiracy I made up, threatened to sue for animal cruelty, and made made Snape smile," I said.

"Wait, you made Snape, like, Severus Snape, Potions Professor and Head of Slytherin, smile? Did his face crack?" Jordan asked.

"No, he chuckled as we all fled from a pissed off Dumbledore," I told him.

"Why was Dumbledore pissed?" he asked.

"I stole his lemon drops. I believe that he puts potions in them to make people into obedient slaves so he can use everyone in candy factories after taking over the world," I explained. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha, you honestly think that? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Jordan laughed. Knew it would take him that long to get over the shock of Dumbledore not being so innocent.

"It's not that, it's that that theory is so stupid!" he exclaimed, still laughing a bit. Oh, mind reader, forgot about that. Asshole.

"Fine, fifty galleons say that it's true," I bet.

Jordan looked at me like I was completely insane. Well, I have spent some time in an asylum, so maybe I was. Meh. "You're on," he said, shaking my hand.

"What on earth is going on?" a high, annoying voice demanded. We both turned to see the toad queen herself standing behind us.

"We're talking. Mind giving us some privacy if you've got nothing to say?" I asked.

She pretended not to hear me. "Is that a Cerberus?" she asked, becoming pale. Ech, even I see that it's a bad colour with, *shiver*, pink. At least on her, but then again, she's ugly no matter what.

"Yes, and his owner, Hades, is coming for you, so you'd better had been good, or else it's the Fields of Eternal Punishment for you!" I said in a very cheerful voice. If only what I said was true, oh well. I can always imagine it.

"Chris," I heard Hermione start, and turned around to find that she was beside me. I braced for a lecture about threatening teachers. "Shouldn't you have mentioned the Furies as well?" she finished, smirking. I almost gaped at her, but stopped myself.

"Oh, right, and of course there's the whipping, the tasks, the whipping, the torture of thirst and starvation, the whipping, getting eaten, the whipping, getting ripped apart, the whipping, and the absolute sense of hopelessness as you realise that it goes on forever if you do go to the Fields of Punishment in death. Well, if you make it across the River Styx," I said, smiling.

"And the whipping," Hermione added.

"And the whipping. After all, what's punishment without getting flogged by an immortal being that is cruel to those that deserve it using a whip that feels like molten metal even without it moving at all?" I ask. What can I say, it's a very appealing picture for me to imagine the Um-bitch getting flogged by one or possibly all three of the 'Kindly Ones'.

Um-bitch became much, much paler. "I-I think I'll ru- I mean leave now," she stuttered, fleeing as fast as her chubby little legs could take her, which wasn't saying much.

"Oh Merlin, that was awesome! I didn't know you knew so much about Greek Mythology, Chris!" Ginny said. Wait, Ginny?

"Ginny, when did you get here?" I asked.

"Just now."

"Oh, well, I read the myths a lot, it was part of my studies, and I just found them interesting," I said.

"I'm surprised that you didn't notice me," Ginny said. Everyone else stared at her as I snorted.

"You don't know me at all, do you?" I said.

"So, is there anything we should do today?" Ron asked.

"Hey, isn't tonight gate night?" Roxy asked. A very evil smile spread across my face.

"What's gate night?" Ron asked.

"Poor, poor, unknowing ickie Ronikins, do I have a lot to tell you," I said, throwing an arm across his shoulders. "Gate night is the night before Halloween when pranks are played. Now, what, pray tell, do you think we should do?" I asked.

"Uh, prank someone?" he asked.

"Um-bitch," Hermione suggested. Needless to say, everyone gave her a 'who-the-hell-are-you-and-what-have-you-done-with-Hermione-Granger?' look.

"I just pranked all of you, ha!" Hermione said.

"Okay, then, Mione, I think you've spent too much time as Chris's roommate," Harry put a hand on the bushy-haired girl's shoulder.

"Is that a problem?" I asked him, leaning on his shoulder, leering at him.

"Uh, nope, no problem at all," he said in a high voice. Then the oh-so-mighty Boy-Who-Lived ran and hid behind his best best friend's little sister. My hero *rolls eyes*.

"Did someone give Hermione sugar or something?" Apollo asked. Everyone turned to glare at me.

"I may have introduced her to the joys of Wonka products," I said, eyes shifty. (AN: I don't own Wonka. 'Nuff said.)

"I don't want to know," Ron muttered.

"So, what was that about pranking the Queen of the Toads from earlier?" Roxy asked. Hermione and I exchanged 'plotting someones death' grins.

"Now, I'm scared," Ron said, and joined Harry in hiding behind a very confused Ginny.

"What?" Azure asked.

"Well, you guys remember those 'colour-changing' charms we went over?" I asked my best friends. Azure and Roxy nodded, and Apollo got distracted by a passing butterfly.

"Well, you must have all noticed that Umbridges favourite colour is pink, since even Chris has," Hermione said, ignoring my mock glare.

"So, since it's Halloween, here's my plan…" I whispered the plan to everyone. If anyone had been watching us, they would have only seen me hissing into everyone's ears, and someone occasionally getting an evil smile on their face, and maybe feeling a shiver of dread down their back.

_Laterlaterlaterlater_

At dinner, everyone was totally relaxed as the golden trio and the 'insane quartet', as my best friends and I were called collectively, came in. Clearly, these people were either a; stupid, b; clueless to the sense of primal fear and dread that made the hairs on their arms and the back of their necks stand on end, c; arrogant in that no one would dare prank them, or d; all the above.

"Teh-ay oad-tay has-ay anded-lay," I muttered to Harry as I saw Um-bitch walk into the Great all. He nodded and turned towards Hermione, passing on the message.

As Um-bitch sat down in her usual chair, a massive fart, or at least a fake one, ripped through the hall, causing everyone to look at what at first glance seemed to be a very large, very red toad. Then, a bucket filled with black paint appeared and dumped its contents on her, disappearing afterwards. Everyone laughed, and following a Compulsion Charm placed on some of the sweets, ate some, which turned everyone into their house animals (Gryffindor lions, Slytherin snakes, Ravenclaw crows cause they were better for Halloween then eagles and Hufflepuff badgers) and the teachers into either their house animal in the case of the house heads, or other animals. Madame Hooch was a hawk, Um-bitch was a toad, obviously, Filch into a rat, and Hagrid into a bear. Dumbledore was a goat with an extra-long beard, and the other teachers I didn't really care. Of course, everyone in on the prank weren't turned into the same animals as their house mates, so we all drank a potion to turn us into our animagus forms. I was a jackal, after the Egyptian god Anubis, Apollo was a wolf and Roxy a snow leopard for obvious reasons, and Azure became a tiger that was black with white stripes, I guess because of the vampirism. Harry was a stag, Hermione turned into a river otter, Ron became a terrier, and Ginny turned into a horse.

It was utter pandemonium, since everyone was in an animal body but had human minds, so they were trying to get used to it, bump into someone, start a fight, etc., and it was hilarious watching the teachers try to manoeuvre themselves to stop everyone, and failing. We all started laughing and chasing each other, and we gave Malfoy, who was a white adder, a reptilian heart attack when Harry bounded over him, followed by Apollo trying to eat him. Then he turned around to find Azure almost nose-to-nose to him, and being a snake and finding a black vampire tiger in front of you is scary. Eventually, we ran out of the Great Hall to gallop, lope and whatever else we did outside. Hermione lead the way to the lake, some explored the castle in their new forms, but most went out onto the front lawn to frolic to their hearts content. At least, until sunrise, when the spells wore off. And that, was the Gate Night Prank of '95, or 'The Great Animal Escapade', as I like to call it.

AN: Okay, with the whole 'whipping' thing earlier, I think that that has got to be one of the worst punishments in the Greek Underworld, and I think Umbitch deserves it.


	12. Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!

AN: Yes, it's two months late, please don't bug me about my super slow updates.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" I laughed, running down corridors like a maniac. People stared at me, but looked away when they saw a very, very angry Hermione Granger with black skin and orange hair chasing me, screaming swears and curses that would make a sailor blush, not to mention throwing hexes and jinxes and curses of that variety that would have ol' Voldie trembling.

"What the bloody hell gave her an inkling that pranking Hermione would be a good idea?" Ron asked, befuddled.

"She takes the whole 'Gryffindors are courageous' to a whole new level, called suicidal," Harry responded. "Popcorn?" he asked, holding out a bag to his friend. Ron quickly looked past Harry to see Azure, Apollo and Roxy sharing a bag, and Ginny was laughing her arse off at how Hermione was chasing me around the same stretch of corridors for the 1245th time despite me not being good at running. Ron shrugged and started top help himself to the buttery goodness.

"Need some help, Wells?" Malfoy jeered, his cronies behind him. Since Hermione and I were just doing laps, I just gave him the middle finger on the next time around. And again, and again, and again, while he just got redder and redder. Wow, this guy is not smart if he just stands there and takes it. Eventually, before he could do anything, one of Hermione's spells hit me, and it just so happened to be a Transfiguration spell, and she turned me into a bird.

"Wow, talk about flipping someone the bird," Azure remarked as I stumbled and somersaulted due to the sudden change in legs and size. I managed to right myself and fly, landing on Harry's shoulder. I looked myself over, and saw that I was pink. PINK! The others were laughing, so I stuck up my middle talon at them, and let me tell you, there is something very strange on seeing a pink bird of prey, maybe a falcon, flipping someone the bird.

"Now, if I turn you back, will you change me back?" Hermione asked me. I nodded. She waved her wand, and I felt tingly, but was still a bird. I saw that I wasn't pink anymore, so that was good.

"Uh, since that failed, why not just, oh, I don't know, _change yourself back on your own,_" I hiss the last part, too pissed off at having been turned pink to notice that she did at least give me back my vocal chords.

"Oh," Hermione blushed, something that was only noticeable when she waved her wand over herself and had normal colouration again.

"So, should we see McGonagall to change her back?" Ron asked, jerking his thumb at me.

"I'm right here, you know!" I said, but Ginny started stroking my head, causing me to close my eyes and enjoy it. God, Zeus, Buddha, Merlin, and any other deities help the poor sucker that laughs if I start purring or make another such sound. I have claws, and am not afraid to use them.

"What is going on?" McGonagall asked, striding into view.

"Hey," I said, waving a wing from atop my perch, aka Harry's shoulder.

McGonagall looked like she wanted to say something, but after a pause, just muttered "I don't even want to know," and changed my back. The bad thing about this is that I was still on Harry, so I sort of fell on him.

"Get off of me!" he grunted.

"Fine. You make a lousy pillow anyway," I told him. Getting up, he started to lunge at me, but I dodge. "Save the anger for scaring Slytherins tonight, Harry." That made him pause, shrug and stop.

"Okay, so should we go and prank anyone today?" Apollo asked.

"Nope. We should go and prepare for tonight," I said, fingertips together in a classic 'evil villain plotting' pose.

"What are you gonna do tonight, Chris?" Apollo asked. I smirk.

"If you dare say 'taking over the world', I will hit you," Hermione said.

"Thanking you for ruining a reference to an awesome cartoon! Now all of the pure-bloods will go without knowing at least a famous line from a popular cartoon," I cry, slightly hysterical, or at least pretending.

"Oh, shut up," Harry said.

"Harry, can you do me a favour?" I ask.

"What? And why now?"

"Because I just thought of it now, and I want you to try to teach me Parseltongue," I said. He stared at me, as did most of the people.

"Wonder if we can make Malfoy shit his pants," I heard Fred ask George, or maybe it was the other way around, at the end of the corridor. I gave an evil grin, and most of the others had one grow on their faces.

"To the haunted place thing!" I declare, leading the way to the area where we had our Halloween set up. Someone behind me said "Fail," but I ignored it.

_Laterlaterlaterlater_

"Okay, people, MOVE OUT!" I yelled like an army drill sergeant at the gathered people dressed in costumes. They all started filing out and going to their posts where they would scare the sh*t out of people. God, I love my life sometimes.

I was dressed like a demon from the twisted depths of my imagination, with black painted skin and red runes painted on. I had an armless dark blue shirt, a midnight blue cloak and black pants on, with the whole demonic runes and skin covering my arms and a bit underneath, so no one could so any flesh tone. I had contacts that made my eyes look black with white slit pupils, enchanted to I can see perfectly and so they wouldn't itch. I had them made special order since I wanted something different. Azure was dressed as a ghost that she saw a few times. She was wearing a ripped up white night gown and had white makeup with blacked out eyes. She was holding a doll, and had bright blue contacts. It was a full moon, so Apollo was just transformed and had his mind because of Wolfsbane Potion, and Roxy shifted into her snow leopard form. She was part of our small not-so-scary muggle fairy tales area.

"So, what are you doing?" someone in a skeleton costume and eyes that looked like green glowing balls of light in eye sockets due to the charmed mask, asked me.

"I'm walking around and checking to see everyone's doing alright. Now, if you're not in your spot by the time I get there, your dead body will become a prop in the graveyard," I said, smiling so that the special fake pointed fangs I got that would glint in the faint light. Harry, for indeed it was he, gulped audibly and ran out of the room, darting into the crowd.

The set up was fairly simple; it was a bunch of corridors that people would enter and go along a route that had different sections devoted to different aspects of Halloween. First was the pumpkin patch with living scarecrows that blended into a small forest with werewolves and other woodsy monsters. After that was the nice, gentle, sparkly Fairy Tale lane, with elves and pixies and things that make me want to gag. Next was the Graveyard, where there were grave stones and holes that zombies can climb out of. People would go into a crypt that we called the Tomb that was filled with vampires. There were some un dead monsters that were confined to one place or the other, but some, like skeletons, could wander between the two. Next was the Lab, were all of the scientific experiments gone wrong were. I so wanted a T-virus outbreak in this section, but my friends managed to convince me that not many other people would get the Resident Evil reference (AN: I don't own it). After that were a bunch of sections based off of popular muggle things, and these had guides, which were people that could explain the basics of the story the area was based off of. I was one of the few people that would walk throughout, making sure everything was going smoothly. There was also a rule of no one being allowed wands except for those performers that walked through the entire thing, since we were also the security.

"Hey, Chris!" Hermione called. She was a cat person thing in Fairy Tale lane, something the golden trio laughed about for a bit. I turned to her.

"Yeah?"

"When do we get off?"

"Depends on when they stop coming, but until then, work, slave, work!" I said, pretending to crack a whip. She laughed as she went on her way. I waited a few minutes so people would get some time to get to their posts. I grabbed a fake sickle I put by the door. I grinned as I twirled it, and crept down the hallways, trying to scare any slow pokes. I went through the Haunted Walk, the name we all decided on in the end, and only had to separate two fights. I walked to the entrance, where there was a large crowd of people gathered.

"Wow, thanks for coming, peps, so, just follow the route that's laid out, it's fairly obvious, and try not to shit your pants," I finished with a demonic smile, when there was a faint yell of "Chris!". No wonder Hermione has such high grades with ears that good.

"Huh, I have asthma and it gets really bad if I get scared," one kid piped up.

"Well, then, don't enter," I answered. "Now, everyone, for the safety of the volunteers, we ask that you don't bring your wands as you might curse someone, and we don't want that." People groaned and tittered. "If you have your wand with you and don't want to go back to your dormitory you can give it to one of our teacher volunteers, who will keep it safe for you. There are sensors to prevent you from smuggling them in, so we ask that you just comply and don't cause any problems. Besides that, have fun!" I finished, and the crowd milled around, everyone wanting to be first. I went over to a control booth that I had set up, and turned on the magical lights and music system, letting everyone know that we were open and ready for business.

There wasn't any problems that night, aside from when I 'accidently' turned Malfoy into a ferret while trying to prevent one of his goons from punching Ron in the face, and Harry made Ferret-face faint from fear shortly after, but aside from that, not much happened.

_Later (I can feel your glares for skipping it, but deal. I'm behind schedule as it is)_

"Okay, guys!" I called over the magical intercom system. "That's a wrap, get back to your common rooms, clean up, and head to bed. You guys were awesome!"

All the volunteers cheered, some very tired after six hours of chasing screaming kids.

"That was brilliant!" Harry said back in the common room. Ron and Hermione nodded in agreement.

"No duh, it was Halloween," I said, smirking. I was sitting back in a wooden chair with my feet propped up on a table, while the golden trio were sitting by the fire.

"It was really fun," Hermione said, eyes glazed over as she remembered earlier in the evening.

"Yeah, especially when Malfoy was turned into a ferret," Ron pointed out.

"Or when he fainted," Harry remarked, making the others laugh.

"All in all, it was a good night. Now, I am off to bed, and since tomorrow is a Saturday, anyone who wakes me up will suffer. Good night!" I cheerfully waved as I went up the staircase.

"Is it just me, or does she do that a lot?" Harry muttered.


	13. Filler with Thriller!

Filler with Thriller! 

*poke*

*twitch*

*poke, poke*

*twitch*

**

…*twitch*

"Boo."

*twitch*

"Wake up."

*twitch*

"WAKE UP!"

*twitch*

*THUD*

"Uh? Wha's goin' on?"

"Apollo, you are a douche," I said to my werewolf friend, holding the book I used to hit him with. I summoned a zombie that proceeded to drag her into the shower and turn on freezing water. I walked out, as one Hufflepuff turned to another.

"How the bloody hell did she get in here?" he asked. I poked my head around the corner.

"Sheer freaking awesomeness, that's how. Oh, and someone left the door open," I said, and left.

"What was that for?" Apollo caught up to me in the Hufflepuff Common room.

"Remember, our plan for the whole Dumbledore's Army, and teaching them stuff that's not magic, like hand-to-hand, muggle weapons, all that stuff?" I asked him.

"Oh," he pouted, remembering how he had agreed to it. "Hey, wait a minute, it's only six in the morning, and it's Sunday!"

"Uh, yeah, but the meeting's at eight, and we need to get you-know-where ready," I told her.

"Oh, right. Yeah, let me just get something from my room," he said, turning around, but I held on to the back of his shirt.

"Nu-uh, no way am I letting you get back to bed. TO THE REBELLION HEADQUARTERS!" I dramatically yelled, and dragged a protesting werewolf out of the Hufflepuff's common room.

"Great, now the craziest person in the castle can get in here," Random Puff #1 said.

"Yeah, now no one is safe," Random Puff #2 responded.

"How about the Slytherins?" Random Puff #3 asked.

(From far in the depths of the dungeons) "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! INFERI! AHHH, RUN!"

"Uh, I think she's been there," Random Puff #1 pointed out.

"…Shit," Random Puff #2 muttered.

_In the Room of Requirements_

"Okay, guys, that's awesome, good work!" I yelled out to a very tired Rebellion of the Reign of the Toad Queen.

"Yeah, but now…" Apollo said.

"It's time for a dance party!" Azure finished. Suddenly, the room changed to look like a dance club, and people started dancing to the Thriller.

I turned to Harry. "Derp!" I said, making an Awesome Face. If you don't know what that is, Google it. Google is your friieend.

"What the bloody hell are you on?" Harry said, pulling a face. A flash showed Roxy holding a muggle camera.

"Ha, we got you to pull a WTF face!" I gloated, and and started running, Harry trying to curse me as we ran through people doing a dance of epicness. Why a dance of epicness? Because it's the Thriller!

AN: Yeah, got bored. And no, I wasn't on crack or anything.


	14. A Very Crazy Christmas

A Very Crazy Christmas

_Christmas Morning_

"Guess what? Guess what? Guess what? Guess what?" I yelled, jumping on Hermione's bed.

"Go away, Chris," Hermione moaned.

"Stop having dirty dreams about Ron and get up!" I yelled, bracing for injury.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!" Hermione roared, sitting up.

"You heard me," I said, gave a dirty smile I learned from Jordan, which he does when he says 'that's what she said', and booked it out the door, and down to the clean sitting room, Hermione chasing me with a vengeance.

"What did Chris say?" Ginny asked Harry as they watched Hermione chase me around the Christmas tree and the presents underneath, waiting for more people to wake up.

"I don't want to know," Harry said, not even looking up from his book. By this time, Hermione had caught me and started pummelling me, while I laughed from how pissed off she got over what I said.

"Me neither," Ron said.

"We know!" Fred and George said in stereo.

"But we won't tell," George said.

"Defiantly not," Fred said.

"Hi," I said, sporting a brand new black eye.

"Ouch, she likes aiming for the eyes, doesn't she?" Harry winced.

"Looks like she already gave you your present," Ginny said.

"Ha, ha, Ginny, I'll remember that next time you need my help," I said, smirking so she would know I was kidding.

"So, should we wake the adults up yet?" Hermione asked.

"Actually, I have a theory about Christmas that my friends and I came up with…" I said, making everyone groan.

"Not another theory! The last one was that Sirius and Remus were in a relationship!" Harry muttered, careful not to let the ones that theory was about hear.

"And the one before that was a conspiracy theory about ticks having a secret society and use transporters," Hermione said. Okay, that one was a bit overboard, but it did explain how they seemed to get into everything.

"And the one before that was that Snape was a vampire and was a part of a plot on making all humans into vampires," Ginny said.

"And that one about snakes being extremely misunderstood and are actually most sophisticated and proper," Ron said, most of the others laughing.

"Actually…" Harry said, everyone staring at him.

"Don't tell me," Hermione said.

"Well, snakes do have a lot of manners and stuff," Harry shrugged.

"Ha! See? One's proven to be right! So, this theory is Christmas themed, but anyway, it's that Professor Dumbledore is Santa Claus, and has house elves working for him at the North Pole, and used goats instead of reindeer," I said. "Oh, and because he's gay, Justin Beiber is Mrs. Claus. And is Hannah Montana, aka Miley Cirus, but that's another story." Everyone stared at me, mouths wide open and eyes as big as saucers.

"That," Fred started.

"Has got to be," George continued.

"Your most crazy," Fred said.

"Theory yet," George finished.

"And that's coming from them!" Ginny added.

"Fine, I'll ask him myself," I said.

"I bet fifteen Galleons that you won't," Jordan said.

"Jordan, I get that you're a ghost, but stop stalking me and get out of here!" I yelled.

"That's what she said, OW!" he doubled over, holding his crotch. Yeah, I fight dirty, sue me. Actually, forget I said that, please?

"What is going on?" Mrs. Weasley asked, followed by a bounding Sirius, who stopped.

"Who are you?" he asked, pointing at me. That's when all the other kids realised that I snuck in here this morning, and hadn't been introduced to the adults.

"Hi, I'm Chris, one of the new students at Hogwarts. I got bored, so I decided to come over and see how everyone's doing," I chirped.

"And I am out of here!" Jordan said, fading out of existence.

"I hate you," I told him as he was half gone. He stuck his tongue out in response before disappearing completely.

"So, who are you?" Sirius asked again.

I took a deep breath. "I am a necromancer from Canada that attended Hogwarts for a week before getting kidnapped by a water creature and frozen for two months, set up a haunted house after my friends, including these guys, and have caused general chaos, confusion and insanity at school, along with my best friends, a vampire, a werewolf, and a shape shifter. And I know that you're Sirius Black, innocent and immature. Oh, and I got here because I sneaked into Dumbledore's office, found a paper that had the address, and flooed here. Oh, and I turned the Um-bitch black for Halloween," I said in one breath, gasping for air after. What can I say, I just can't say an entire paragraph in one breath like Hermione.

"Okay…" Mrs. Weasley said while Sirius laughed in the background.

"Did you say a vampire and a werewolf?" Remus asked. I knew you they all are because I asked my friends to describe them for me.

"Yeah, why?" I asked.

"Werewolves and vampires don't usually get along," he said.

"And that is why Canada is awesome, because it's not that uncommon there," I said.

"Who the bloody hell are you?" a very bleary Mr. Weasley asked.

"Arthur!" Mrs. Weasley gasped.

"Friend from school, and no, I am not a Death Muncher, thank you very much," I said. He grunted, and headed to the kitchen.

"He's not a morning person, is he?" I asked.

"Out, now!" Mrs. Weasley told me, to the protests to the kids.

"You wouldn't kick out a poor orphan, would you?" I asked her, giving her puppy dog eyes complete with a pout, looking like I was going to cry.

"You're an orphan?" Sirius asked. I nodded.

"Fine, you can stay," a convinced Mrs. Weasley said. I cheered, until she engulfed me in a hug where I couldn't breathe.

"Air!" I gasped, and when she released me, turned to Sirius. "Yeah, I am, but I have friends, so I'm fine! So, I have a question for you."

"Okay, what?" he asked.

"Well, I know that you pranked Snape a lot in school, but have you ever turned his hair pink?" I asked in an innocent tone.

"No, I don't think we did," Sirius answered, making Harry groan in the background.

"He's going to blame me, I just know it," he muttered.

"What are you talking about?" Remus asked.

"Think about it, why would she ask if she wasn't going to do it herself?" Harry asked.

"Okay…" Remus trailed off. He obviously had no idea on some of the stuff I've done.

"Hey, does anyone want to know the Christmas carol my friends made?" I asked.

"Does it matter what we say?" Harry muttered.

Suddenly, my friends came out of nowhere, like, behind the couch and stuff, Jordan materialised, and we all started singing:

_Deck the halls with shiny trinkets_

_Flalalalalalalalala_

_Don we now our pots and pans_

_Flalalalalalalalala_

_Make da cakes and den we eats dem_

_Flalalalalalalalala_

_Den we's gonna make da band_

_Flalalalalalalalala~_

Everyone that appeared left by going 'poof' in different coloured smoke or sparkles after.  
The look on everyone's face as we sang: O.O

"And that, is why we are awesome," I said, breaking the shock of the randomness.

"What?" Harry asked.

"Well, none of you guys change classic songs and sing them, nor can any of you leave like Fanghur," I explained. Suddenly, the dragonish avatar of the author appeared and smacked me upside the head.

"No breaking the fourth wall, godamnit. Hi, guys. Oh, Moony, try putting mistletoe around where you transform. It wards off changed werewolves, and it's festive!" Fanghur grinned, and disappeared in a cloud of dark blue wisps of smoke that got sucked up by a magic AC unit. Everyone heard faint screams from it, along with swears, grunts and mini explosions.

"Who, or what, was that?" Remus asked.

"God, or at least someone that has the same amount, if not more, control over our lives," I told him.

"Defeated by an air conditioner unit," Ron muttered, shaking his head.

"Then why is there still a story?" I asked. That stumped him.

"Maybe she wrote ahead and predicted getting sucked up?" Looks like Harry has more brain cells than I thought.

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" Remus asked, utterly bemused.

We all looked at each other. Fred said "well, Moony, we would tell you,"

"But you wouldn't believe us," George finished as everyone else nodded.

"Alright, so are you really going to turn Snape's hair pink?" Sirius asked.

"Maybe for Valentine's Day," I responded. Behind me the twins high-fived.

"That would be awesome!" Sirius jumped up and down.

"Oh, God, there's two of them," Harry muttered as Sirius and I started discussing pranks.

"This can only end badly," Ron said.

"For the Slytherins," Hermione finished. Her friends gave her a disbelieving look.

"She's corrupted you," Ginny gasped, only slightly less shocked over her comment.

"Well, she's going to prank and cause chaos regardless, might as well have fun."

"Who the bloody hell are you and what have you done with Hermione Granger?" Ron asked. At that moment, there was a thump from beneath the Christmas tree, from a very large present that wasn't there before. Harry walked over, and read the tag.

"To Hermione, from Chris. I know you like some fantasy books, so here's to Dean Thomas for giving me the idea, and it is the real article." This was met with some raised eyebrows from the guys and Ginny, I smirked, and Hermione hesitantly opened the box. Then she squealed.

"Oh my God it's Artemis Fowl the Second!" she yelled. Said fictional character slowly pulled himself out of the box he was in. (An: I don't own that franchise, either. Or any franchise, at all.)

"If I ever get my hands on that girl that pulled me from my own reality," he started, mismatched brown and blue eyes flashing. He blew a raven lock from his pale face, and gave me a death glare.

"Hey, be thankful I pulled you from the lull between the sixth and seventh books, oh, and I explained the whole 'different worlds' thing to him, and the spell will wear off in a few hours, kay?" I asked, the first part of it directed at Artemis, and the rest at Hermione, who squealed and hugged him.

"What?" Ron asked, totally confused.

"Long story short, he's an Irish criminal mastermind from another world that is fiction to us," I explained. "And no, Arty, you can't read any of those books." The genius huffed.

"Now, the spell will return him at, oh, about five o'clock tonight, and I told Mrs. Weasley in a letter, for meals and stuff. Now, if you'll excuse me, I will return to another cross-dimensional kidnapping for a day and to either get hugged to death if the guy I…requested isn't, or get a lecture on how I shouldn't kidnap heroes from their reality, or criminals that become heroes," I added, looking at Arty, who had warmed up to a still hyper Hermione and had started discussing the differences in magic in their own realities. Meh, to each their own.

"Bye," all my friends said, waving as I walked down to the kitchen, nodded to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, and flooed back to Hogwarts. I nodded to a tired looking McGonagall in her office and said "Merry Christmas!" and continued on my way to Gryffindor Tower.

"Chris!" Azure yelled. Dumbledore had let my best friends stay in here since all of my fellow Gryffindors had went home for the holidays.

"Yeah?" I yelled back.

"No kidnapping people, no matter how hot," she said, pointing at a very confused Danny Phantom. "Especially ones that come from different worlds."

"Sorry, dude," I told him. He shrugged, and I waved my wand, making him vanish so that he went home. I threw Azure the backup present I got her, and heard her squeal over the Joker merchandise. I had gotten Roxy a new Pokémon game, and Apollo got a spiked flea collar. I had gotten Harry an enchanted armguard that would protect him from most spells, Hermione, well, also got a book on various magics, along with the boy genius from a different dimension (see above), and Ron got a custom made chess set that had people from each side of the current war. Dumbledore was the white king, McGonagall was the queen, Harry and Neville were bishops, Ron and Ginny were knights, and Hermione and Luna Lovegood were rooks. The pawns were house elves, since they are that awesome, while their black counterparts were Voldemort, Bellatrix Lestrange, Lucius Malfoy, Severus Snape, some random death eaters I had found in some archives, and Crabbe and Goyle senior. The pawns were masked death eaters, since they're racist. Yeah, I put a lot of effort into their gifts, but I felt like it. Besides, my friends could always convince me to get them something outside of the holiday season.

"So, where did you go?" Roxy asked me.

"Eh, just too where the others are spending their Christmas. I went to say hi, and introduce myself to the adults," I said, grabbing my first present.

_Later (I can feel your hate for all the time skips, and I DON'T CARE!)_

"Chris?"

"Yes, Apollo?"

"Are you going to wear that Santa hat until Christmas is over?"

"Yes, yes I am."

"Then I'm gonna steal it," and with that, my canine friend grabbed the Santa hat I was wearing since getting up, and ran through the halls of Hogwarts, laughing. I then proceeded to chase him, but I sort of got stuck in a giant pool of green gelatine. Don't ask me why there was a giant pool of gelatine, but I think it might have something to do with the fact I once waved my wand around and said some random words.

_Flashback_

"Gloopety muckus gellitus," I said, waving my wand randomly as I sat at one of the tables in the library.

"What spell is that?" Azure, who was reading a book about how magic vampires differed from their not so magically brethren, asked.

"One I just made up," I said, smirking.

"And you have no idea what it did?" she asked. I nodded, and she rolled her eyes. "It's going to bite you in the ass sometime, you know that, right?"

I shrugged. "Meh."

"Just don't blame me, okay?" she said, but I had already zoned out, reading a book on how to raise a doxy farm. He he he, now I can sick a horde of doxies on the Umbitch.

_End Flashback_

"Damn. Hey, it's lime flavoured! Yum!" I said, having just tasted the gelatine. I managed to swim/crawl to the edge while eating some of the green jell, and saw Apollo sitting a little distance away from me, holding my old Santa hat that I've had for years.

"Apollo Knight, if you don't give me that hat back, I will use your entrails as tree decorations," I threatened. My parents gave me that hat, and I will never give it up.

"Uh, here!" Apollo said, and threw the hat into the gelatine beside me, and I watched as it sink while my friend ran away.

_Later_

"You really like that hat, don't you?" Roxy asked me, pointing to the Santa hat perched on my head. The white fake fur at the rim and on the ball on the tip was green, while the red was discoloured.

"I got it from my parents," I told her. Roxy nodded, understanding how I tried to hold on to anything that I had from my parents.

"Do you want me to get back at Apollo?" she asked.

"Thanks, but no. I'll do it after New Year's. Speaking of which," I said, and everyone crowded around me.

"Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year's!" Everyone yelled, cheering and clapping.

Now go and check out my other stories and my profile! Go on, shoo!


	15. New Guy for a New Year

New Guy For an New Year

AN: okay, first, I'm really, really, really sorry for how long I went without updating. My imagination has been wrung out like a sponge, like if when I started writing Chaos, it was a train going full-tilt, but now, it's a snail. With no sense of direction. And in a coma.

Oh, and this chapter is really weird. I blame boredom and lack of new ideas for it. And Harry Potter Puppet Pals.

"Guess what, guess what, guess what?" I bounded out of the fireplace of Grimmauld Place, coming to a stop in front of a mildly surprised Harry. I say stopped, but I was bouncing on the spot.

"What?" Hermione, who was enjoying a nice lunch beside Harry, asked.

"There's a new guy starting at Hogwarts, our year!" I told them.

"Really? Now?" Hermione asked. It was December 30, not exactly the ideal time to start school.

"Yes! He's in Ravenclaw! And," I said, lowering my voice. No one else, besides Ron, was in the room, but better safe than sorry. "He wants to join Dumbledore's Army."

"Really?" Harry asked.

"Yeah. He met Umbitch, and wants to learn actual Defence. So, will that jinx on the parchment work if he signs it now? That reminds me, I still have to sign it," I mused.

"Yes, he can," Hermione said.

"So, what's his name?" Harry asked.

"Alex Hamade. He's pretty good with a wand, he mentioned something about having a tutor before moving to Britain. And," I paused. "He's Canadian, too!"

"Seriously? What, are Canadians trying to take over the school now?" Harry asked, rolling his eyes. I suddenly had an image of myself being queen and my best friends at my side while I made Malfoy toil with manual labour.

"And, she's gone," Hermione noted, seeing my glazed-over eyes.

"Hey, at least I have an imagination, miss 'can't-believe-anything-not-proven-beyond-doubt'," I pulled myself back to reality to tell her.

"What do you mean by that?" she demanded.

"The fact that you couldn't put total faith in something not proven to save your life," I said.

Hermione huffed. "I can, so!"

"Okay, what religion do you follow?"

"Where is this conversation even going?"

"This conversation is going somewhere?"

"When can we meet him?" Ron asked, interrupting me.

"Now," I said, and the next second we were all standing in the Gryffindor common room.

"Chris, stop breaking the laws of reality," Hermione sighed as I stuck out my tongue at her.

"What, and miss all my fun? Besides, I asked Jordan to do it."

"Hi, guys!" Jordan said.

"Hi," came the multiple responses.

"Uh, Chris, why is no one else in here?" Hermione asked.

"…derp." I just realised that I should have brought my friends here first so I wouldn't have to search for them.

"Huh?"

"I have no clue," I shrugged.

_Meanwhile…_

Roxy was in Ravenclaw Tower, sewing a new Hogwarts uniform because though the colour for the current one is good, everything else about it sucks.

Azure was being a creeper and following Snape around, thinking _Snape, Snape, Snape, Snape, Snape, Snape, Snape, Snape, Snape…_

And Apollo was showing Alex around.

"So, does anything stay the same around here?" the new black-haired Ravenclaw asked his guide.

"Not really," Apollo replied. "We just ask nicely and the castle seems to almost lead us to where we want to go."

"Uh. Where are we?"

"I have no idea."

"Why are you the one showing me around again?"

Apollo shrugged. "Hey, I'm hungry. Let's go to the Great Hall for lunch."

"Fine." They got to the Entrance Hall in five minutes.

"How the hell did you get us here this quickly if you didn't know where we were?" Alex asked.

"I don't know."

_Snape, Snape, Snape, Snape, Snape, Snape, Snape, Snape, Snape, Snape, Snape_, Azure was thinking as the person she was the official Creeper of headed towards the Great Hall. As they passed Apollo and Alex she thought _Snape, Snape, Snape, oh, new guy_, she veered towards the two with a quick turn.

"Hey, you're new. Do you need someone to show you around? Why are you with Apollo? He's completely useless for showing you around he doesn't know where anything is." Azure rambled. Apollo shrugged and went into the Great Hall.

"Yes, please."

As they were walking around I came tearing around the corner trying to find one of my friends.

"ALEX, AZURE!" I shout as I tackle them.

"Chris, didn't we agree not to try to injure people in the halls?" Azure said from under me.

"If I didn't I probably would have ran into a wall or off a ledge in the moving stairwell place."

"Does she usually do things like this?" Alex asked.

"No, not really. At least this specifically, it's usually something that involves the un-dead or music," Azure said as I got off them and helped them up.

"Oh, I should do something that involves both," I said.

"Chris, was there a reason why you seemed to be looking for us?" Azure asked.

"Oh, yeah, I wanted Harry, Ron and Hermione to meet the new guy!" I said.

"Uh, is that necessary?" Alex asked.

"Yes," I said, totally serious.

"Is this going to involve mental scarring?" Azure asked.

"That depends on who you're asking about."

"Alex."

"Maybe. Alex, are you scared of spiders?" I asked him.

"No, why?"

"Because I'm going to mentally scar Ron."

"Okay!" Azure said.

Butterflies flew in front of us, so the entire way I sang "Follow the butterflies, follow the butterflies, follow the butterflies, OW, SHIT!"

"Did Chris just run into a pole?" Alex asked as I sat on the ground nursing my broken nose.

"Yes, yes she did."

I leapt up. "Onwards! Follow the butterflies, follow the butterflies, la-lala-la-la-la-la-la!"

"Is she going to do this the entire way?" Alex asked.

"Not until she has to summon legions of un-dead spiders."

"Oh kay, uh, is it too late to get out of here?" Alex asked.

"Password?" the Fat Lady asked me.

"Yes," Azure said as I said "Appy-hay ew-nay ear's-yay."

"Was that pig-Latin? Cause that was a pathetic password."

"She was drink when she thought of it, Alex, now come on," Azure said, and they saw a scene that would scar all Arachnophobics for life. Spiders filled the entire floor three feet deep, and almost completely covered the three people in the room, though one of them was only a mound of creepy-crawlies.

"Wow. Uh, Chris, you might want to get the spiders out of Ron's windpipe," Azure remarked.

Looked over at the mound that had coughing and choking sounds coming from it. "Do I have to?"

"Yes."

"Fine," I said, and I made the spiders leave.

"CHRIS!" Ron shouted, his face turning a very volatile shade of red.

"Yes?" I asked in an innocent voice.

"SO," Harry interrupted, "Where was everyone?"

"Real subtle, Potter, real subtle," I muttered.

"Well, Roxy is designing a few concepts pieces for new uniforms, and Apollo was showing Alex around before going for lunch," Azure said, grabbing Alex's arm when she said his name.

"And Azure was stalking Snape, as per usual," I continued.

"What? Why the heck would you want to stalk Snape?" Ron asked.

"Because Snape is awesome, that's why," Azure pouted.

"Sure he is," Harry said, rolling his eyes.

"Harry, have you ever heard of 'if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything'?" I asked.

"Does anyone else hear that ticking?" Ron asked.

"So, would someone mind explaining to me what the big deal is about Harry? His seems to be pretty well known," Alex asked.

"Oh, yeah. See, Harry is the Boy-Who-Lived-to-be-Hyphenated,:" I started as Harry shouted "Don't call me that!" in the background. "When he was one, the Dork Lord Moldy-Voldy came and tried to kill him, and FAILED. So, ickle-Harrykins" (Harry: AGH!) "here got a scar that acts as a beacon to all the douches that have to try to kill a kid to make themselves feel better about a waste of space, air and flesh, and a little intelligence, and FAIL in doing that. Now Voldy is back, though not many people believe Harry about that, and we're trying to train ourselves to fight the Death Munchers if the need arises," I explained.

"Okay, then."

"Moving on," Harry muttered.

"Aw, Harry, are you upset I called you names?" I asked in a babyish voice.

"Go away, Chris," he said.

"Did I hurt your wittle feewings?" I asked as Ron shouted "What is that mysterious ticking?".

"Chris…"

"Dude, if I didn't make fun of you, who would?" I asked.

"Malfoy," Ron muttered as I snorted.

"Puh-lease, that Ferret couldn't insult his way out of a paper bag."

"Chris, bugger off," Harry said.

"Fine. Alex, Azure, we're leaving," I sniffed and lead the two back to the Portrait Hole.

"Uh, Chris, how do we get back?" Hermione asked.

"Oh, right, Jordan!"

"Yeah?" Jordan appeared.

"Jordan, this is Alex Hamade. Alex, this is Jordan Ross, a fallen angel that got killed and now can come and go out of our plane of existence as he pleases," I introduced the two quickly.

"Okay, hi," Alex said.

"Hi. So, they're going back? Okay!" Jordan said, and the trio disappeared.

"Thanks. Hey, do you guys want to sneak out to Hogsmade and go shopping?" I ask.

"Okay," Everyone agreed and Azure clung on to Alex.

"Uh, guys? I think I found the source of that ticking Ron heard," Jordan.

"Oh, shi-" *BOOOM!*

…

"Well, we're all alive. Who's arm is this?"

"Chris, stop pretending that explosion seriously harmed someone," Azure said.

"Oh, bloody freaking hellish shit, it's mine."

"Okay, we're going to the Hospital Wing," Jordan said.

"Can I at least animate it to strangle Umbitch?"

"NO."

"Awww," I said as I picked up my left arm with my right because it was blasted off my shoulder and followed my friends to the infirmary.

"Does stuff like this happen a lot around here?" Alex asked.

_Meanwhile_

"Why do I get the feeling that something bad happened to Chris?" Ron asked as he and Harry played chess while Hermione read a book.

Harry got a shifty look, something Hermione noticed.

"Harry, you do realise that if whatever you did causes her any injury and she finds out, you're dead, right?"

"Yeah, but would the chances of her finding out it was me be?"

"Either way, I am not helping you when she's out for your head on a silver platter, all right?"

"Yes, Hermione," Harry muttered as Ron won yet another game.

AN: See? Weird. Sooo… REVIEW!


	16. More Horror and Random Stuff

**Oh, new font for Author Notes! Well, bolded, anyway… -cough-  
Uh, I wrote this before the** '**Angatar: The Last Arbneder' chapter, but I forgot about this, then I wrote that chapter, then I uploaded it, forgetting that I didn't upload this one, and then I went back to fix the order of them 'cause there's actually a mention of a date in that one and… yeah. Sorry! I'm too lazy to go back and make a bunch of changes though. Also, I had to re-read this chapter, to fix any inconsistencies. **

More Horror and Random S***

"You _will _tell me who set up that bomb," I threatened Ron after dinner the first day back from winter break.

"What bomb?"

"Don't you dare play stupid with me, or else"-

Hermione came running up before I could gut Ron. "Chris, no threatening people. If you want to find out about whatever you're asking about, you don't need to resort to such tactics."

"You mean blackmail people?"

"Wha- no! I mean just ask around, not threaten them!" Hermione huffed.

"Fine," I said, rolling my eyes. I left the Gryffindor common room to find my friends.

"That girl has problems," Ron noted. Hermione huffed and left her understating friend.

"Ya think?" I stuck my head around the corner before the portrait closed, then left.

"Mmm, where to look, where to look," I muttered. "Oh, how about the dungeons? Finding Snape usually means finding Azure."

_Meanwhile_

"How long do you reckon until she finds us?" Azure asked Alex as they sat by the lake.

"Who?"

"Chris, so she can get our help to find out who set the bomb."

"Oh. Uh, I have no idea."

"Probably a few days. She sucks at finding stuff."

"You're nice, " he scoffed.

"No, just being honest." *snuggle*

_Meanwhile_

"Oi, Ferret-Face! I want to ask you something!" I yelled.

"Yes?" Malfoy turned around.

"Do you know who set up the bomb during the winter holidays?"

"No, why?" Malfoy cocked an eyebrow.

"Do you even know what I'm talking about?" I asked, deadpanned.

"Actually, yes. I was in the Hospital Wing when you got your arm reattached, remember?" the ferret asked.

"Nope."

"You are a bitch," Malfoy said.

"Bitches are dogs, dogs bark, bark grows on a tree trees are a part of nature, and nature is beautiful. Thank-you for the compliment!"

"…and clearly insane."

"What was your first clue? Bye, Ferret-Face!" I waved at Malfoy and his silent cronies.

"Stop calling me that!" he yelled, but I ignored him.

"Let's see, what was I doing again? Oh, right, looking for the douche that set up that bomb. Meh, I have a while to find out. Now, what to do?" I mused, not noticing that I passed Harry, who had a look of fear on his face. Like I say, I can be totally oblivious to everything around me sometimes.

"Hey, Chris!" Apollo yelled.

"Yeah?"

"Have you heard? The Weasley Twins found out how to enchant some TV's and some game consoles to work, and there's a Super Smash Bros Brawl tournament starting right now!"

"Seriously? Woot!" I yelled, running around in circles. "Where?"

"Classroom eleven, it's on the ground floor," Apollo said, and I ran off. As I ran down a hallway, I tripped over something. Looking behind me, I saw that there was a broken string.

"Oh, shi-" *SPLASH*

"…I'm covered in pink paint, aren't I?" I asked, keeping my eyes closed to prevent anything from getting into my eyes.

"Nope," George Weasley said. "Green."

"Oh, well, in that case," I got up calmly, "is that tournament really happening?"

"Nope."

"You suck."

Jordan poked his head around the nearest corner. "Not as hard as he blows!"

"Pervert," I muttered as he withdrew and went on doing whatever he was doing.

"Does he usually do that?" George asked.

"Yep."

"I think Fanghur is running out of stuff to write, don't you?"

"Yep."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Fred walked in and asked.

"TIME SKIP!" we all shouted.

_Much Later_

"Happy Valentine's Day!" Hermione said, throwing back the curtains of my bed.

"NOOOOOO!" I screamed. Everything in my dorm was *shudder* pink. "DAMN YOU FANGHUR!" (AN: hehehe)

"What?" Ginny ran in the room. Seeing how I was cowering from the evil colour of doom, she turned around and yelled "FALSE ALARM!" There was a lot of groaning from people that had panicked at my screams.

"GO TO THERAPY ABOUT THAT ALREADY!" someone yelled. I think it was Seamus Finnigan. Ass-hole.

"Come on! You have classes," Hermione said, tugging on my leg as I clung on to my headboard.

"Never! Not during Valentines! Get me when there's no more pink," I cried.

"Fine! I give up!" Hermione huffed after five minutes.

"Hermione?" I asked.

"Yes?"

"Mind telling Gred and Forge to go ahead in plan Pink-Strawberry?"

"Will anyone get hurt?"

"Only someone's pride."

"Fine," Hermione sighed as I drew the curtains of my bed again, hiding from the horrendous colour of doom.

"Is she coming?" Harry asked Hermione at the bottom of the staircase.

"Nope. She did tell me to tell Fred and George to, and I quote, 'go ahead in plan Pink-Strawberry'."

"Really? This will be a Valentines to remember, won't it Forge?" One of the twins asked from the bottom of the boy's staircase.

"Indeed it will, brother of mine," the other twin said.

"Alas, it is unfortunate that our comrade-in-arms will not see this, what did she call it, a triumph in the war against those that have no sense of humour?"

"Or will she?" the other twin said.

"What are you two up to?" Hermione asked.

"Hi, guys, what's up?" Ginny came down the stairs, carrying me over her shoulder.

"How can you…" Harry trailed of.

"Feather light charm. She's still heavy."

"Hey, if you're going to kidnap me, you can at least not insult my weight," I muttered, waking up at that moment.

"I wasn't," Ginny protested.

"Fine. Let me go, and I promise that I'll come back down," I said. Hermione glared at me. "Okay, in the next few minutes, happy?" I tended to find loopholes in everything.

"Fine," Hermione said, and Ginny dropped me. I ran back up the stairs to get dressed.

_Meanwhile_

"Well? Is the trap ready?" a cloaked figure asked another. They and one other were alone in a deserted corridor somewhere in the castle.

"Indeed it is. We just need to put the finishing touches on it before the target makes it go off," came the response.

"Excellent. Today we shall get our revenge," the third figure said. They erupted into evil laughter, not aware of a crouched figure hiding in the shadows.

_Meanwhile_

"Attention! This is the first official meeting of the Fandom of Harry Potter, F.H.P for short!" A girl yelled out to a crowd composed primarily of fangirls with a few fanboys.

"Now, because today is Valentine's Day, we will try to finally get Harry Potter! Now, here's the plan," the supposed leader lowered her voice, not noticing the shadow that seemed to be listening in.

_Slightly Later_

"Something wicked this way comes," Azure said as she started walking beside me and the other Gryffindorks, having taken the day off from being the Snape-Creeper.

"What?" I asked.

"I just sensed something. Probably isn't much, but there might be something that will happen today."

"Of course, because it just has to happen on this day of love and stuff that makes me want to barf," I muttered.

"Guys!" Jordan appeared next to us.

"What's up?" I asked as Harry panicked beside me.

"Some people were plotting revenge," Jordan said. "Don't know how or on who, but they set up a trap somewhere and you guys better watch out, especially Harry."

"What?" Many people asked at once.

"Well, if it was revenge, guess who has a grudge against a student here," Azure explained.

"The Dork Lord Moldyshorts," I said. We all turned to look at Harry.

"What? Stop staring at me already," Harry said.

"Okay, so"- I was cut off as a leopard bounded into our midst.

"Roxy? What's wrong?" I asked the agitated shapeshifter.

Roxy changed back into her human form. "We have a problem, or rather you do," she gave a pointed look at Harry.

"Now what?" he asked.

"Fangirls."

Harry's eyes got as big as dinner plates, and it was only Hermione's hand grabbing the back of his robes that prevented him from running back to his dorm to hide under his covers at top speed.

"Dude, it's _fangirls_. You hang out with a vampire, a werewolf, a shapeshifter and a freaking necromancer. What the hell are the chances of them doing anything to you?" I asked.

"Do you want an actual list, or just a brief summery?" Ron asked.

I raised a finger to emphasise my point and opened my mouth, but couldn't think of anything to say, so I just shut my mouth again.

"Okay, so what should we do? Seeing as there's two plots with Harry in the centre," Roxy asked.

"Watch him suffer?" I suggested, and got about five punches in the arm. "What?"

"Well, we just assumed that it was Harry. The revenge thing could be at someone else," Azure pointed out.

"So, we at least need to watch out for the fangirls. I suggest he starts drinking out of a water bottle or something," I suggested.

"Why?" Harry asked.

"You know, love potions, drugs, that sort of stuff. Hey," I suddenly had a thought, "if the definition of a drug is anything mood-altering that isn't food, does that make all potions and stuff drugs, making Potions class a drug factory?"

There was a pause in which everyone turned to stare at me. "Chris?" Hermione said.

"Yes?"

"You just lost your talking privileges." I pouted in response.

At that moment we walked into the Great Hall. My eyes got really, really wide.

"Oh, fucking bloody hell," I whispered.

"Is she going to be alright?" Ginny asked Azure, who was sitting beside her at the Gryffindor table. They looked at me rocking back and forth, singing songs under my breath. The entire hall was covered in pink decorations.

"Maybe those pranksters shouldn't have turned the Great Hall pink," Azure said as Apollo started poking me with a pink stick.

"_Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me_…"

"Should we do something?" Neville asked.

"No," everyone said.

At that moment, a pail of pink liquid floated over Snape without him noticing, and slowly tipped. It drenched him, turning his hair pink.

"Let me guess, plan Pink-Strawberry?" Hermione asked one of the Weasley twins as Azure squealed and ran next to Snape, basking in the strawberry scent that now came from his bright pink hair.

"..._song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves_…"

"Can we duct tape her mouth shut?" Alex asked.

"Well…" Azure said.

"…_I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky. I think about it every night and day, spread my wings and fly away_…"

"SILENCIO!"

Everyone looked at an innocent looking Roxy.

"What?" she asked, wide eyed and guilt-less.

"Moving on," Alex muttered.

"So, should we actually do something?" Ron asked, jerking a thumb in my direction as I was singing 'Phantom of the Opera', silently.

"No," Jordan appeared. "Let's make her suffer."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Remind us why you sacrificed your mortal life for her again?"

Jordan shrugged. "Just felt like I should, ya'know?"

"Or was it just so you could pop up whenever and make sex-jokes?"

"Uhhh…"

*BOOM* A cloud of black smoke wafted from hidden charges around the room. When the smoke cleared, the room was back to normal, except for two things: Snape's hair was still bright pink and Azure was still being a creeper over his shoulder, which he ignored because he's gotten used to it, and Umbitch was now covered in black soot that wouldn't come off.

I perked up in the background and did a silent "YEESSS! WOOOT!" and happy dance, since I was still under the silencing charm.

"Who the bloody hell did that?" Ron asked.

"Well, dear brother," Fred began.

"That would be us."

"Our bomb filled with a _finite_ powder-"

"Snape's hair is still under the effects of Pink-Strawberry-"

"And everything else is normal,"

"Except Umbridge, because of few adjustments in the powder."

"We felt Chris deserved the lack of pink, so…"

"Mission accomplished!" the twins finished at the same time. I started hugging the both of them, mouthing my thanks repeatedly and endlessly.

"So, should we go to class, or just skip?" Apollo asked. Hermione glared at him while I glared at Roxy to try to persuade her to cancel the silencing charm on me, which wasn't really working that well.

"Okay, okay, we go to class, happy?" Apollo said. We all got up to go to our various classes and heard Snape telling Azure the vampirian creeper to go as well.

Hermione sniffed snobbily as everyone split up to go to their classes. I silently begged the Trio and Azure as we walked to Care of Magical Creatures to un-silence me, but no one did. As we walked down the front steps, though, an invisible rope tightened around my ankle, and lifted me up and over the battlements.

Everyone watched as I was flipped and lifted out of sight. "Okay, then…" Harry trailed off.

"Let's go," Hermione said, "We don't want to be late, and she'll be okay." Everyone agreed and went on with their lives.

Hanging from one of the towers by my foot, I glared at my friends as they continued on their merry little way. "Thanks, guys, thanks a bunch. I feel so loved," I ranted under my breath as the rope swung me away from them. It must have been magic, because it began to descend towards a courtyard where some people in cloaks stood.

"I think you guys got the wrong Gryff'," I told them as I got close.

One of them, Kidnapper 1, snapped their fingers, making me drop five feet to the ground.

"Oh, no, Necromancer, it is you we want," Kidnapper 2 said.

'So much for it being Harry,' I thought. "No thanks, I don't do sexual intercourse even if I get paid, kidnapped or both."

We don't want that," Kidnapper 1 said, sounding like they were rolling their eyes.

"Well, okay then."

"We want…"

"Revenge?" I asked Kidnapper 2 trailed off. "You know, if you guys are dementors, I really am sorry about that time I accidently insulted all of your kind a few days ago…"

"We are not dementors! And how the hell can you insult a dementor?" Kidnapper 2 asked.

"Call it 'Tall, dark and butt-ugly cock-sucker' constantly, trust me, it works," I muttered.

"Shut it, Danny," Kidnapper 1 nudged the other.

"Wait a minute… You guys didn't go back to your realities?" I asked.

"Well, well, well, she finally figured it out, mostly at least," Kidnapper 1 said, and pulled back his hood, revealing Artemis Fowl II. The other one turned out to be Danny Fenton.

"Heh, heh, whassup?" I asked as they both gave me death glares.

"Seeing as you neglected to uphold your promise, I think it's time we had our revenge, don't you, Danny?" Artemis asked.

"I think it is," he responded.

"Oh, shit," I muttered. "Okay, what's the verdict?"

One of them whispered something in my ear, making my eyes go really, really wide.

"!"

_Austalia…_

"!"

"What was that, mate?"

"Dunno, mate, but 'opefully it won't scare off the kangaroos."

_At Care of Magical Creatures (Scotland for all you noobs)…_

"!"

Everyone looked towards the castle.

"I think I have a slight idea of what happened to Chris," Harry said.

"Yeah, that what must be have been meant by that 'revenge' group," Ron pointed out.

"Now you just have to worry about rabid Fangirls," Azure told Harry. A low rumbling filled the air at that time. They looked across the lawns at where a giant group of people, mostly girls, were running towards them. As the crowd drew closer, small details became apparent, like foam at the corners of their mouths, and red eyes. DUN _DUN __**DUN!**_

"Meep," Harry, well, meeped, and started running in the opposite direction so fast there was a sonic boom.

"Ha! Potter's afraid of his fans," Malfoy jeered.

As the rabid Fangirls (and Fanboys) started running past the class, Azure shoved Malfoy into their midst, shouting "Hey, here's a Slytherin that insulted Harry's mother!"

Needless to say, Malfoy wasn't heard from for a looong time.

_Later…_

"Hey, Polly, hey Roxy," Azure said to Apollo and Roxy in the Great Hall. It was lunch, and the gang had decided to sit with Roxy, Apollo and Luna at the Ravenclaw table.

"Hey. What happened to Chris?" Roxy asked as Apollo was leaning over a drawing he was working on, and Luna was staring off into space.

"Got kidnapped again," Ron grunted as he sat down and helped himself. "Same old, same old."

"What's up with you guys?" Hermione asked.

"Hang on… where's Harry?" Luna asked.

"Fangirls," Ron grunted.

"And Fanboys," Azure added.

"Ah."

"I CAN'T DRAW!" Apollo screamed.

"Okay…" Hermione muttered.

"INSPIRATION PUNCH!" Apollo yelled, punching himself in the jaw. Everyone except Azure, Roxy and Luna were shocked as he fell off the bench, and crawled back up, leaned over his paper again, and frantically started drawing.

"That's gonna leave a bruise… again," Roxy said.

"What the bloody hell," Ron asked.

"If you haven't gotten used to us by now, you might as well leave," Azure said. Hermione shifted, but didn't leave.

"! HHEEEEAALLLLLLLLPPPP MMMEEEEEEE!" I screamed, running past the Great Hall.

"Was Chris wearing a pink dress?" Azure asked everyone.

"Holy shit! She was!" Apollo flailed in surprise.

"GET HER!" a guy shouted, and everyone saw a black and white blur go past the doors.

"EEEEEEIIHHHH! DANNY PHANTOM!" Azure Fangirl-squeed. Next was a boy in an Arami suit running as fast as he could, being chased by the Rabid Fangirls (and Fanboys) of DOOM. Harry walked in slowly after and sat down with his friends.

"Remind me to thank Chris later for choosing to kidnap fictional characters that have more Fangirls here than I do," Harry said.

"Do these things usually happen to her?" Hermione asked.

"When she messes around with the rules of reality? It's a sure thing," Roxy said.

"Yeah, even I've figured that out, Mione," Ron said.

"Hey! I've got an idea!" Apollo said.

"What?" everyone asked.

"Burning babies."

"Where the bloody hell did that come from?" Ron asked as Hermione looked horrified.

"From the twisted depths of his mind," Harry said.

"So, what are the Fangirls going to do to them?" Roxy asked, pointing in the direction that the crowd ran in.

"They're going to tie them up and ask them a million questions ranging from their favourite colour to their size," Harry told everyone.

"How the hell did you know that?" Apollo asked.

"Because I'm. Harry. Potter," he stated. Hermione hit him on the side of the head.

"No breaking the forth wall with references! Especially from Potter Puppet Pals!"

Azure hit her on the head. "Look who's talking."

"HHEEELLPP MMEEEEE! OOOWWWW!"

"You know, for someone that you can barely hear in class, Chris can be really, really loud," Luna remarked.

"So, why does Fanghur keep making these Danny Phantom and Artemis Fowl references?" Ron asked.

"Because they're some of her favourite characters ever," Azure said.

"Shouldn't she have stopped us from breaking the forth wall by now?" Roxy asked.

"Are you kidding? She's the one leading the Fangirls," Harry snorted.

"So, let me get this straight; Chris, in a pink dress, is being chased by a very angry _fictional_ half-ghost half-human named Danny Phantom, and behind them is Artemis Fowl the second, again, a _fictional_ character, being chased by Rabid Fangirls of DOOM, which is being led by the author of this entire series?" Hermione asked.

"This is a series? I thought it was a single story."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "I read her profile, Ron, it's going to be a series."

"Okay, then…"

A portal opened then, and I ran in, still in the pink dress, and led Danny through it, ran back out, and it closed before the angry halfa could kill me.

"MWAHAHA! BET YOU DIDN"T SEE THAT COMING, HUH, ECTO-BRAIN!" I screamed at the empty space where the portal was.

"Chris?" Harry asked.

"Yeah?"

"You do realise you're in a pink dress, right?"

…

"FFFUUUUUUUUUUCCKKK!"

"You know," Luna commented as I ran out, "you would think she would know that as it's been mentioned before, and the story is from her point of view, so she would have known."

"Since when has anything been logical?" Ron asked.

"Before they got here," Harry jerked his thumb at Apollo, Roxy and Azure, and would have pointed at me too if I was here.

"So, where are the Fangirls of Doom?" Apollo asked. A loud noise drew everyone's attention back to the doors, where Fanghur and the Fangirls were carrying a bundle of rope that was human-sized and wiggling, screaming muffled swears.

"Nevermind."

"Well, that was different," Ron said.

"Hey, where's Hermione?" Azure asked. The bookworm had disappeared.

"Hey! A note!" Roxy picked up a piece of paper that was on the bench where Hermione was sitting.

_Guys,_

_Went with the Fangirls when they got Artemis. Chris is with me._

_-Hermione_

"Jealous, Ron?" Harry grinned at his best friend.

"What? No," He denied as he crumpled the note like it had insulted his mother.

"Someone's in denial," Apollo sang.

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are not!"

"Am too!"

"Ha! You agree!"

"Bloody wanker," Ron muttered.


	17. Angatar: The Last Arbneder

AN: I'm not sure if anyone noticed, but I deleted the Remembrance Day author's note and added another actual chapter at the same time, so you might want to check that out before this one if you didn't get a heads-up. Also, I don't own Avatar: The Last Airbender or any associated brands/trademarks, and I am not putting up another disclaimer for it if there are any other references. Finally, usual speal, I don't own Harry Potter or any associated brands/trademarks.

Angatar: The Last Arbneder

All was calm in the halls of Hogwarts. –pffftt- Yeah, right. Since when was anything in Hogwarts been calm? So, anyway, we (me, the other Gryffs, and the Slytherins, including Azure) were in Potions class, and we were doing-

"The Elemental Drought," Snape told us. "A potion, that when you drink it, will give you powers over the element that you are closest too, if you even have an aptitude for any at all."

"Fire, fire, fire, fire," I muttered, fingers crossed.

"We will not be drinking this, so-"

"WHAT?" I shouted. "You get my hopes up about being a firebender, temporary or not, and then you destroy them!"

"Thank God," Azure said. "If Chris ever got fire powers, she'll burn down the castle."

"But Hogwarts is made of stone; it's not flammable," Hermione reasoned.

"What's 'firebending?" Ron asked.

"For the love of-" I muttered. "You wizards have got to watch muggle TV! But firebending is pyrokineses."

"What?"

I rolled my eyes. "Fire powers."

"Why didn't you just say that in the first place?" Ron asked.

As I sent Ron a 'I-will-throttle-you' gesture, Azure told Hermione, "Yes, Hogwarts is stone, but this is an insane pyromaniac necromancer witch we're talking about here."

"Oh, right."

"If I were to let anyone drink this potion, if it were made properly," Snape sneered (hey, an alliteration!) "What makes you think that it would be you?"

"Because…" I said. I fell silent since I couldn't think of anything, so Snape just went back to teaching.

Towards the end of the lesson, Neville walked past my work place, and knocked a bunch of platypus urine (ew) into my cauldron, and apparently it makes Elemental Draught gaseous. Which meant that everyone got elemental powers, including me, which means that Fate likes me more than Severus 'Greasy-ball' Snape. Sorry, Azure, but it's true. Snape is a greasy little bugger.

As the bright blue gas expanded and started to spread throughout the school, I created a fire-ball above my open palm and yelled "FEAR FOR YOUR LIVES, MORTALS, FOR I AM A FIREBENDER!" and ran out of the room, Azure following me, and everyone else standing there, shocked, until the Trio looked at each other and said, "We are so fucked," at the same time. Then all hell broke loose, but who cares about those people?

O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O

In the Charms classroom, the fifth year Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were paying attention to Professor Flitwick until a mysterious blue gas issued from underneath the door. Since it didn't cause any affects like extra limbs, animal transformations, sleep, death, colour changes, levitation, lycanthropy, ulcers, brain damage, mind control, sudden quoting of Shakespeare or Edgar Allen Poe, dancing, spinning, insanity, vampirism, sudden phobia, crossed eyes, heads spinning, vomiting, slow-motion, sex-change, wings, shrinking, growing, voice-change, turning into a kumquat, becoming a vegetable, blindness, lack of smell, lack of feeling, loss of control of limbs or bladder, sexual arousal, lazar eyes, ice breath, x-ray vision, super-speed, super-strength, super-healing, energy field manipulation, sudden understanding of the universe, becoming a cyborg, the flu, insanity, dissociative identity disorder (aka multiple personality disorder), or the common cold, no one cared. Until Roxy sneezed and caused a small hurricane, and Apollo caused a stone to shoot out of the wall and give a concussion to one of his housemates that was giving him hell for being different (Ernie something-or-other, hope he goes into a coma, asshole).

"What just happened?" Alex asked as they looked around at the mayhem that Flitwick was trying to contain. They looked at each other and slinked out of the room. No one cared, since they were all panicking over Ernie What's-his-face and a random kid that was blown out the window.

"Hey!" I called out to them from the end of the corridor. "What's up?"

Apollo gestured to the still contaminated air and Roxy asked me, "Did you do this, Chris?"

"Well… Neville helped," I grinned. Azure brushed past me to snuggle Alex.

"What is it?" Apollo asked.

"Gaseous Elemental Draught. It basically makes you an element bender, like in Avatar," I explained.

"Cool! Earth Bending!" Apollo exclaimed, as Roxy said, "I'm an Air Bender!"

"C'mon, guys," I told the love-birds, "stop snuggling so we can raise hell with these powers, and to find out what you have!"

"We can practice and show off outside on the lawn," Apollo suggested. Everyone agreed, and strangely, no one stopped us. Of course, it couldn't have anything to do with the fact we were juggling balls of molten rock using our new-found bending abilities, nope, not at all.

"Is this legal?" Hermione came up to us in the Entrance Hall.

"Well, it's not _il_legal," I said. Everyone looked at me. "What? I wanted to see if Necromancy was illegal, and looked up some other laws while I was at it."

Hermione just huffed as we made to walk past her.

"He-hem," a high-pitched voice fake-coughed.

"For the love of- it's the Umbitch!" I muttered as we turned and saw the Toad Queen in her overly-pink hideousness of doom and despair for anyone with more than two brain-cells.

"If I may-" the bane of my existence started.

"Nope!" I said. "You may not!" I rolled my eyes as she glared at me.

"I believe that what you five are doing is against school rules."

"Actually, there isn't anything about temporary control over the fundamental elements, provided we don't endanger anyone," I said. "Even if you want to change that, which you undoubtedly will, it will take at least five days for it to go through the proper channels for it to be an enforced school rule, two if you use your connections illegally, and two weeks minimum for it to be a law, more depending on when the Wizengamot can gather and pass it, if indeed they vote to do so and it isn't vetoed by the minister, since Dumbledore, who was the head honcho of it was demanded to step down. Either way, we can still do whatever the hell we want today, 'cause it's not against the rules!" I informed her, and then looked around at everyone that was staring at me. "What? Knowledge is power, especially if it's knowledge of laws and rules that you're probably breaking."

"But-but," Umbitch tried to find words.

"Onwards!" Azure declared, heading back out as the rest of us followed, laughing at old Toady's face.

"To mayhem and fun!" I added.

"Hang on!" Apollo rushed back in, and using his Earth-bending caused the stone under Umbitch to swirl around and swallow her up to her flabby neck. "Silencio!" he added, stopping the tantrum before it could start. Bowing to everyone in the Hall that was laughing at the DADA teacher, he ran back out.

"Dude, that. Was. AWESOME!" I yelled, hugging Apollo.

"Yeah, it was, wasn't it?"

"Let the fun begin!" Alex exclaimed, a whirlwind above his open palm.

_**Time passes…**_

"What in the names of Merlin were you all thinking?" Professor McGonagall exclaimed a few hours later as we all sat in her office.

"Um… we weren't," Azure said.

"We did it because we could," I muttered under by breath, smirking.

"That is no excuse for destroying half the east wing of the school!"

"Well, at least it was the part of the school that isn't used for anything," Roxy said.

"Now, the greenhouse, and the Whomping Willow, on the other hand," Apollo said, "That might be a different matter."

"Not to mention Umbridge's office and classroom," Alex pointed out. I whistled innocently at that, and the stern Deputy Headmistress's expression seemed to soften the smallest degree. Sort of.

"Well, no one did get injured, I suppose…"

"So, we only get off with a warning?" I asked, hopeful.

"No, you just won't get expelled or suspended."

"D'arvit." –WHACK- "What the hell, Azure?"

"Stop it with the Artemis Fowl references."

"Never!"

"Ladies!" McGonagall barked.

"Sorry."

McGonagall rubbed her temples, probably having one hell of a migraine. "All of you have detention for the rest of the month with various teachers, at 8 o'clock sharp." Hrm, it's the 18th of March, so that wasn't so bad. "Starting with Professor Umbridge tonight at her office." Shit, spoke too soon.

"As in, we're going to be using Blood Quills to write bullshit onto our hands," I pointed out.

"Unfortunately, yes," McGonagall sighed, though whether it was because of the detentions themselves or my word choice was unclear. "It seems the Minister has approved of that punishment for 'discipline' since other types of detentions were supposedly too… 'lenient'."

"Yeah, and Blood Quills are _sooo _effective," I drawled, showing the lines 'I told you I was hard-core' on the back of my hand.

"Hang on, where's Dumbledore?" Apollo asked. "Shouldn't he be the one punishing us since we're all from different houses and how much damage we caused?"

"The headmaster is in a meeting with Ministry officials about the damages to the school," McGonagall sighed. "Now, about the fines…"

"Okay," we all chorused, or variations of. "How much?"

"Uh," Professor McGonagall sat in shock for a few seconds. "You all have enough money to cover most of the damages?"

"Well, we could always go into the entertainment business if we don't!" I chirruped.

"Alright, then," McGonagall blinked, and looked over some papers on her desk. "It could be as much as 500 Galleons."

"Is that all?" Apollo asked., head cocked to the side. In the Gringotts vault we all shared, we had at least 1000.

"Yes."

"Sweet!"

"We still have detentions," Roxy reminded me.

"Fuck."

Alex frowned in thought suddenly. "Is it just me, or does this chapter suck?"

"Yeah."

"Yes."

"Yep!"

"Hell yes."

"Aye." Everyone looked at Apollo. "What?"

"Nothing, I just expected Chris to say something in Old English," Azure said.

"Well-"

"Hey!" Fanghur walked in the door.

"What the hell?" Alex asked.

"Look, I'm just cutting this chapter off since it's bloody August that I'm finally finishing it, so I'm just going to rush the rest of Chaos," Fanghur explained.

"WHAT?" was the all-around reply.

"Yeah, I might go back someday and re-do this entire chapter, but I had no inspiration about halfway through. I do have some jokes further down the road, but I want _something _for my lovable readers…"

"Uh, will there be a sequel?" I asked.

"Oh, yes," Fanghur grinned.

"Sweet!"

"Is that all?" McGonagall asked.

"Aside from further breaking the forth wall and asking my readers to review? Ummm, nope! See ya!" –poof- she disappeared in a burst of citrus-smelling clouds of blue that had black sparkles.

"Oh-kay then…" Roxy said.

"…Anyone wanna take bets on how many flames Fanghur will get from such a sucky chapter after so long of not posting _just _from lack of inspiration with no forewarning?" I asked.

"Isn't Fanghur you? Since you're a self-insert?" Azure asked. I shrugged.

"Pretty much, except I'm a self-insert of what Fanghur _wishes _she could act like in real life, but is too self-conscious to do so."

"So, you're the result of an outlet of crazy-ness that's pent up from inhibitions?"

"In a nut-shell, yeah. Why?"

"No reason…"

"I bet five Sickles that four people will flame!" Apollo exclaimed.

"Ten on at least two trolls," Alex bet.

"Five on one to three flamers," Roxy haggled.

"Five on none, and that everyone will accept it without much of a problem," Azure said.

"Ten on five or more flamers and one or more trolls," I said.

An: Yes, the ending was even more pathetic than that 'Thriller' chapter, but like I said, I couldn't think of _anything_. So, please review. I really need the feedback. And before any of you ask, yes, I have a sequel planned, and no, I'm not telling you what it's about. I'm pretty sure there's a mention still on my profile, near the bottom, if you want a clue about it.


End file.
